(GBG Book Club) The Surrendered Wife: Take Care of Yourself First

LadyLumen · 2014-01-27T21:19:33+00:00

I liked some of this book and then didn't like other parts. I don't think a woman should totally opt out of doing things like giving directions and helping with the bills. I think there is a difference between being a helpful partner and an overbearing nag. Some women are better with finances than their SO's. Some people like to use the whole Captain and First Mate analogy for male and female relationships. Yet what this book is saying, is that the First Mate should be like "Yeah Captain, you go ahead and do all the steering, navigating and decision making...I'm just gonna chill here and feed the seagulls."

margerym · 2014-01-27T16:33:07+00:00

Surrendering takes patience and concentration, which are nearly impossible to conjure when you’re fried and frazzled. Usually there’s a direct connection between self-care and your level of tolerance for your husband. (pg. 69)

I'd love to have a discussion about ways we can take care of ourselves to help us stay strong and focused!

red-wings · 2014-01-28T08:14:27+00:00

A few years ago I was friends with women who were reading the Created to Be His Helpmeet book - written by the wife of the guy whose child-discipline books were misused & led to the death of those foster children.

At that time, I worked very hard to be submissive, and while I did learn to be much more respectful to my husband day-to-day...

It led to me being treated like a doormat. My husband took terrible advantage of me & treated me badly. After about 2 years of this I started taking back my self-respect. Following the advice of that book seemed to do more harm than good, at least to me. My marriage improved at a very high price to my feelings of self-worth.

That book (Helpmeet) even says that showing your feelings are hurt is a way to emotionally blackmail your husband.

My husband is generally a very nice guy - but he grew up with a super-controlling mother, and early in our marriage I tried to control him because he wasn't very mature yet (because mothering a man will make him grow up, right?? LOL). So I think some of this was him "fighting back" against all the control - and he just never transitioned out of that phase.

I guess I'm saying... I liked many aspects of being a surrendered wife (I like this term better than submissive) - but I'm not willing to be a doormat or be treated badly again. I'm really hoping the "take care of yourself" + "say no when you need to" + "show your underbelly" will make the difference.

If I'm being a really good wife, and my husband says something mean, isn't it okay to say, "wow, that was really hurtful"? Is this part how you maintain your self-respect while you surrender to him?

spnkdwife · 2014-01-28T16:33:31+00:00

I liken this chapter to the safety lecture at the beginning of a flight. If the overhead oxygen masks appear and you are seated next to a child or individual who requires assistance, place the mask on yourself first, then offer assistance.

In the context of a surrendered wife, if you aren't taking care of yourself, you are of no help to anyone else. So when I find myself beginning to feel overwhelmed or hurt or taken advantage of in our marriage, I remember the airplane safety lecture, and pause to respectfully let my husband know my feelings and then we move on from there.

Title	(GBG Book Club) The Surrendered Wife: Take Care of Yourself First
Author	margerym
Upvotes	6
Comments	5
Date	January 27, 2014 4:32 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1wadwe/gbg_book_club_the_surrendered_wife_take_care_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/gbg-book-club-the-surrendered-wife-take-care-of.197200 https://theredarchive.com/post/197200

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