The choice to be child-free is admirable, not selfish | Jill Filipovic | Comment is free

p3ndulum · 2013-08-18T22:49:02+00:00

I don't understand how not wanting a kid could be considered "selfish". It's not like there's a back order of unborn babies that are in desperate need of parents.

sugarcrush · 2013-08-18T15:01:33+00:00

I don't really understand child free people, but I also don't think having them or not having them is admirable. It's just a thing you do like eating or breathing. We are animals, we eat, we breathe, we reproduce.

2013-08-18T18:02:58+00:00

Without knowing the context, I see it as neutral. Neither is it selfish, nor is it admirable.

But for an individual, it can either be bad or good, depending on the reasons they chose not to have children. Because you never wanted them and were "made that way"? Good. Because you think they'll interfere with your "career" everyone says you should have? Bad.

2013-08-18T21:32:51+00:00

A society that prioritizes pleasure and self-worth sounds a whole lot better than one that valorizes denial, unnecessary sacrifice and general resignation at the way things are (at least for women).

I agree, to a point. I personally don't think pleasure and "self-worth" (which in the context of this statement basically equates to "my desires are the most important") are "virtues", but hey, that's me and nobody has to live their life according to my ideals. I also think denial is dangerous, when it comes to having kids, and the kids are typically the ones who suffer when people make decisions about having them based on external forces.

I wish people would quit attributing value judgements to this shit, though. It's not as if the human race is dying out, so there's nothing especially "virtuous" about reproducing... but I don't see how not reproducing is "admirable", either. I suppose it bespeaks a certain level of self-awareness ("hey, I'm not well suited to the task of raising kids, for whatever reason"), but if this makes one "admirable", then we're setting the bar way too low. >.>

JimmyTheIntern · 2013-08-18T22:13:36+00:00

Recognizing that having children is staggeringly expensive doesn't mean that individuals shouldn't have kids unless they're financially well-off.

Actually, that's exactly what it means. Sorry to get all tautological, but if you can't afford a child, YOU CAN'T AFFORD A CHILD!

It means that we need better social and political mechanisms to ensure that families at every income level can raise children who are healthy and who have access to good food, a decent education and the prospect of social and economic mobility.

I stopped reading when her proposed solution to the problem of people having children they can't afford is a socialist/feminist utopia where everybody has equal opportunities and plays fair.

In other words, force child-free people to pay for other people's kids, since those other people cannot afford them. In fact, by not having their own kids, child-free people have even more money to pay for the destitute to reproduce. No wonder the child-free choice is so admirable in the eyes of a feminist.

margerym · 2013-08-18T15:10:14+00:00

i dont have kids for various reasons and at my age never will. the notion that this is admirable in some way and that all f society has to change to make it not weird because women dont like the feeling of being disapproved of is bizarre.

DorianaGray · 2013-08-18T17:24:36+00:00

I think it's admirable if one would say, "I'm not having children because I'm too self absorbed and a kid would really interfere with my navel-gazing time."

But almost no one says that.

FleetingWish · 2013-08-19T20:10:55+00:00

How can an article that tries to defend my view point also be so offensive? Oh, it's written by a feminist.

I'm not child-free to to make some political point about whether or not child-free people are selfish, or to prove I'm an independent woman who doesn't subscribe to gender roles, or any other feel good bull shit. Ultimately, she totally misses the point. Whether or not you bring a child into the world isn't a question of selfishness vs unselfishness, it's a question of responsibility vs irresponsibility. There are only two responsible choices, choosing to have a child and dedicating your heart and soul to that child for 18 years, or not having one. Everything else is irresponsible. Having a child because it's "what everyone does", having a child because "it's selfish to do otherwise", these are all irresponsible reasons to have children. So rather than being shamed by society for being selfish, I simply point out that they are weighing the decision to have a child too carelessly. Ultimately most people I meet don't know whether or not I have a creepy crawly running around my house, so they can't shame me anyway. But thank you feminist author for patting feminism on the back for that one.

Also, I wanted to mention the part at the end about women being valued for something other than making their life about someone else. Again, this is feminist feel good bull shit. It's fine if you don't care about people, just don't go around expecting people to care about you in return. Just because I'm child-free doesn't mean I have nobody who I make my life about, I have my SO, and I dedicate all my time and attention to him, rather than splitting it with some kid.

rugbytitsandmedicine · 2013-08-18T14:54:26+00:00

Aaaannd she's a feminist

angeliswastaken · 2013-08-19T09:04:04+00:00

The choice to be child-free is to abdicate the most ancient and honorable role that most women may fill in this world, that of a mother. You are the product of billions of years of mothers birthing, caring for, and protecting their offspring and now you dropped the ball. On purpose. So that you could save your money to buy more shoes or spend more time watching sex and the city or some shit.

You're not admirable, your'e a selfish, sorry evolutionary dead-end. I hope the fabulous new shoes you buy are fucking amazing enough to make up for erasing your lineage from the halls of eternity.

Title	The choice to be child-free is admirable, not selfish \| Jill Filipovic \| Comment is free
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	18
Date	August 18, 2013 2:41 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1klu7l/the_choice_to_be_childfree_is_admirable_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/the-choice-to-be-child-free-is-admirable-not.197295 https://theredarchive.com/post/197295

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