I have been married for over 10 years - sexless for the first 5, then I tried finding sex outside the marriage (and succeeded), quit cheating because the guilt and logistics were immense, and reverted back to a sexless marriage. Recently my wife suggested that I take up cheating on her to relieve my desire. I do not want the shame, or the expense, of infidelity on my shoulders - so I told her, "You find me the woman to do it with."

We have had sex at strange moments in my life - all instances were clearly her feeling threatened by the desire other women have expressed in me (while I was a fit, but low status, dude), or while I was (briefly) becoming someone more important at an old, high profile, job I had (and was surrounded by women who wanted access to my attention and power).

Since asking her to find her replacement, I have still not had sex with my wife, but it feels great to wake up with a huge hard-on, point to it, and tell her to get to work finding the other woman I am going to sleep with. I get no more bullshit complaints about laundry and dishes, and she has started losing weight and dressing more attractively, and has stopped telling me, "You are a great guy and you deserve to be loved" or "I think of you as a very close friend". Translation: "The gates to my vagina and sexual affection are locked and I melted down the key into this knife with which I will stab you repeatedly".

We have a kid and as a result I have delivered full-throated commitment since day one, and shown myself to be the worst kid of blue-pilled dumb ass over the years. I doubled, tripled, quadrupled down on commitment and have rewarded her shittiest behavior with more time and commitment. I do not ever expect to make up ground with my wife, but I sure as shit feel a lot better about myself off-loading the responsibility and time involved in my physical needs to her. She has had no problem dumping shit on me for years and I can see the dumb look in her face when I do it to her. LOL.

Having lurked on TRP for years, and being in relatively good shape, I am not sure what stage to plan for next. At this point, the thought of her naked, her vagina, the smell of her body and hair gives me a deep feeling of violent rage and I want her out of my life forever. Right now I am trying to set aside the money with which I can purchase my freedom from this shit relationship in a few years. On the other hand, we have a kid and a life, and we will forever be tied by the significant amount of low quality time we have spent with each other and the need to raise and care for our kid. Is there a way to right this relationship? To get myself away from being angry? I joined an MMA gym and honestly have found a deep sense of satisfaction beating other people up and getting beat up as well as hauling heavy things and working until I physically drop from exhaustion at work (I now work a low level job in a factory). Any advice and your reflections would be appreciated.