I am being called an asshole lately. A lot. That is good in my book, as it means Billy Beta Bux has left the building.

There are a few Shit test which get caught and smashed. No problem.

Then there are comfort tests. Gents and here lies my problem. I used to be the king of comfort tests, and now I am failing them all. Not passing a single one. It is not that I don't recognise them, I see them but refuse to give comfort.

And it is OK being an asshole, that I can handle, but my beloved snowflake is not handling it well. Instead of stepping up she has grown very distant and withdrawn. She has tried to up her game at home, I can't really complain about much but I keep missing the comfort tests. Each and every one.

As we all know, we give Alpha tingles and Beta comfort. But I find myself unable to give any beta comfort. I am scared to give her some of the old me. Yes, scared.

Beta Litz from days gone by gave bad comfort. He was a pussy and whiney bitch. He seeked validation and acceptance. These were good comforts for mrs Litz as she was not held accountable and had her own doormat/butler/provider. She also did not desire him. Surprise.

So there I was, thinking how to give comfort without being the old Betalitz. There is no way I am going back to that needy chump.

So I picked up a book, The 5 love languages. Before you kick me in the nuts, there will be time for that later, hear me out. This book will never make it to the required reading on the sidebar. It will turn you into a pussy faggot if you read it and follow it. But after reading it there are some good beta tips.

For the sake of science and for the brotherhood I am experimenting with some Beta comfort tests. I am one week in and my little unicorn is smiling again and cuddling up to me in bed. She hasn't woken me with a BJ yet but let us not judge too soon.

In essence, 5 love languages states that each person has their own individual love language that will fill her emotional tank.

A short summary of each:

  • Quality time

Basically give her some time to tell her about her day. Let her vent a bit and get it out of the system. Sit and do something with her undistracted by your bodybuilding.com App, TV or Fitness pall.

DO NOT fix her problems. They are hers to fix. She just needs to inform the captain of where she is at.

  • Gifts

A small indication of your appreciation for what she does for you and your kids.

But be carefull here, DO NOT give gifts as covert contracts. DO NOT reward bad behaviour with gifts. DO NOT say sorry with gifts. Appreciation, nothing else.

  • Words of affirmation

It is Ok to encourage the first officer if she is doing a good job. If she doesn't do a good job, then non of the comfort she seeks.

DO NOT seek acceptance and validation in return for kind words. This not how it works. DO NOT expect something in return.

  • Acts of service

Propably the dangerous one in the group, the precursor to Beta choreplay. Here you stick to manly acts of service. Fill her car at the petrol station or fix something around the house, which you are supposed to be doing anyway.

DO NOT create a covert contract here. r/Deadbedrooms is littered with poor schmucks taking out the trash, bathing the kids and doing dishes and not getting the sex they 'deserve'. Carefull there, you have been warned.

  • Physical touch

This one sounds easy but in fact is real easy to mess up. Sometimes a hug is just a hug, a cuddle just a cuddle. A comforting hug and an untimely grope are just a few inches apart.

DO NOT kino when you are supposed to comfort, do not give comfort when sexual kino is called for. I said this one is not as easy as it sounds.

Maybe this is something everybody already knows, but it helped me to have it spelled out in this manner. Beware, this can turn you into a pussy. All this beta comfort has to be given from a solid frame. If given from a weak frame she has her Beta back. If you end up at the end of the scale where you are just giving comfort....guess what, you went too far, turn it back.

Men control the relationship, women control the sex. You lead and give good beta comfort when neccesary and she wants alpha sex with you because she is in your frame, and you are HAWT!