Me and my SO are both 27. I've known my significant other (let's call her Jane) for 3 years now. We've semi-dated on and off basically the entire time but we've been in a committed/exclusive relationship for about a year and a half. The previous one an a half years are pretty hard to explain and kinda complicated, but she liked me and I loved her in that I was willing to sacrifice for her and look out for her.

Here's What I Like

Jane is a truly lovely girl. She follows me, supports my ambitions. Almost never fights or argues with me. She is appreciative and doesn't take anything for granted. Wasn't given much growing up but made the most of every situation she's been in. She's thin. She's not a genius but she smart. She doesn't have a spending problem. She would be a great mother. If you met her you'd love her too, she's just that type of person.

Here's What I Don't

  • She had terrible teeth, she has braces now (coming off soon). Obviously this moves off the list when the braces come off.
  • She's thin but not really in shape. Her stomach and ass/thighs are pretty squishy.
  • Weird to say, but I kind of look at her like a sister. I don't want to defile her. I care about her and her well being. Obviously this hinders a sexual relationship.
  • She's not great in bed. I am her first, she isn't mine. I don't know how to explain it. Sex with her feels good, but its not mind blowing. When we first met, sex together was great (at least I was happy), now it isn't.
  • To me, she's just not sexy. She's pretty, she's delicate, she's feminine. But she's missing that "sex appeal." I don't know if its her dress or makeup or countenance or all of the above.

Here's My Problem

I want to be sexually attracted to her, I'm not very sexually attracted right now. We don't have sex often because honestly I'm not that into it. She doesn't shut me down, I just don't instigate.

I understand sex is very important. I get it. However, I also know that Jane is a great girl. I'm willing to work on this and try to fix it before I break up with her. If it can't be fixed then it can't be fixed but I'm going to at least give it my best shot.

Here's My Plan of Attack

A lot of this is certainly my fault. I'm going to work on myself first. I'm placating my sexual needs with porn and masturbation. I'm giving that up completely for the next two months. I'm in really good shape but I could always be better. Finally, I'm going to take her a lot more. Kiss her like I want her every night we are together (we don't live together) as opposed to a peck and be the one who instigates more. Even if I look at her and don't think "I want to fuck you so bad right now" I'm going to make a move and see what happens. I think this will help me remove the "I don't see you as a sexual object" viewpoint from my head.

On top of that I want to push Jane to act and look sexier. This is hard for me because I'm not exactly sure what I find sexy in a woman (I mean I'm not an idiot, but I don't know how to do makeup either). I'm POSITIVE she would like to be seen this way, I won't have a fight with her about it. But I need to give her feedback so she knows as well. I don't know if any of you have ever had to do this, I'd love your thoughts if you have.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Have you ever been in a situation where you loved your girl but weren't really feeling the sexual fire? Did you find a way to resolve it? What do you think of my plan? Thanks for the advice. If there are more pertinent details please let me know and I'll answer.