Need advice on how to handle my dead bedroom situation...

[deleted] · 2014-12-31T19:58:36+00:00

Perhaps the best way to look at it is to remember that love and desire are two separate emotions. If you've only been focusing on making sure she loves you, you may have been totally neglecting desire.

Reread the TPR material and associated blogs to better understand what creates desire in females in the first place. Start with experimenting with your wife and note the reactions. Make sure, unless you have an extreme reaction, that you give things a while to develop. What might not work today might work well next week.

Lastly, in regards to dread and FWB. Desire, by definition, requires separation or lack of. Have you ever desired something you were already holding/possessing? Perhaps you and she do not have sufficiently separated boundaries. Seeing the difference and distance, might create longing which can be built into desire. You also say she constantly wants your attention and affection. Do you ever make her work for it? If not, why? Is it part of a secrete agreement whereby you give her what she wants and in return she is to give you want you want? Secret agreements don't work.

roe_ · 2014-12-31T21:41:50+00:00

I don't usually do this, but I really strongly disagree with the bulk of advice in this thread.

Please, please, rule out medical before exercising dread or trying other behavioural tricks - game works, but it does not overcome a medical issue.

roe_ · 2014-12-31T20:09:28+00:00

I'd say very likely medical. I'm guessing she was on the Mirena IUD which certain people (Athol Kay in particular) are convinced is a sex-drive killer.

Get her to a doc blood workup etc. Pay particular attention to t-levels - and do a little independent research. Lots of docs screw this up.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-12-31T20:01:09+00:00

Dread doesn't mean going out and finding a Hot Young Thing or committing adultery. Dread means putting the subtle concern- DREAD- that unless she steps it up you just might not be around. Dread means going out with your buddies, not answering her calls so quickly, and stop being a supplicating Beta Bitch.

You say she has 'never turned you down' so you are way ahead of the game.

Get a vibrator and every couple of weeks use it on her. Edge her before you pound her. You can do the same thing with cunnilingus.

Are you using Kino? Seduction? Do you touch your wife and build anticipation throughout he day? Send her racy texts? Have you read The Sex God Method?

We are not big on couples therapy, but Sex therapists can be helpful in some cases. Also, go with her to the next gyno appointment- in fact, make it for her and go with her. This is not normal, although it is common.

Finally, accept that women are responsive. If your wife is willing to respond to you then that is often the best situation. Accept that you are the man and you need to be the one initiating. Most of the time I would satisfy myself and pound her like a caveman but ever now and then break out the Hitachi Magic Wand and FORCE her to respond.

alpha_n3rd · 2014-12-31T20:40:41+00:00

I really don’t want to next my wife (and I don’t plan on it) but I can’t live like this forever, I’ve got to figure something out. I’m hesitant about applying any kind of serious dread game or bringing up getting myself a FWB because it could do irreversible damage to an otherwise good relationship, especially if it’s something medical.

What the fuck, you don't want to next her, you don't want to live like this, and you are afraid to dread her because it might damage the relationship? Dude, the relationship is already damaged, this is damage control time.

First step; Become outcome independent. Admit that a dead bedroom is a deal breaker and that you will leave if necessary. Now you should be willing to take risks like dread game, because frankly if the dread doesn't work, you're probably sunk anyway, and like you said, this isn't how you want to live.

Stop having bad sex. Putting up with bad sex reinforces bad sex. If she's not getting aroused, just stop, and pay her zero attention for two or three days. No affection, not conversations, just minimal pleasantries and logistics. Then re-initiate. I bet she's super horny all of a sudden.

Make some lifestyle changes. Start dressing nicer. Wear a new cologne.

Take her out. Flirt with other women. Let her see that they want you.

Talk to her about the cute girls at the office.

You doin one minute kisses like MMSL suggests?

RBuddDwyer · 2015-01-01T00:35:56+00:00

For the past 3 years, I’ve been living in a dead bedroom, sex a few times a month when I initiate. She has never turned me down when I’ve wanted sex; she just isn’t participating.

Wow, seriously, tell me what that is like because I have never had that much see, ever, in my whole life. A dead bedroom is a real clinical thing, and is defined as something less than sex once a month.

Anyway, go read Sex God Method. Google around enough and you'll find the pdf for free. Start looking into BDSM to get some fuzzy ideas of where to go from here. Fuck the shit out of her caveman style and see what happens.

Title	Need advice on how to handle my dead bedroom situation...
Author	radiowizard
Upvotes	3
Comments	10
Date	December 31, 2014 7:40 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2qy1rx/need_advice_on_how_to_handle_my_dead_bedroom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/need-advice-on-how-to-handle-my-dead-bedroom.202729 https://theredarchive.com/post/202729

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