Does holding frame limit your assertiveness?

360_no_scope_upvote · 2019-01-25T08:05:34+00:00

Telling some one to fuck off is 100% breaking frame. That is emotional and angry.

Letting the action's and words of others influence your reaction is breaking frame period.

thrwy75479 · 2019-01-25T08:24:06+00:00

Personally, I've noticed that if you're happy, and can brush off the tests, some people just test you even more. It's important to draw the line somewhere. It shows them that you're a person, that you have boundaries, and that you're not afraid of enforcing them.

If someone continues to hurl insults, and make fun of you, obviously they are projecting their own issues on to you, and you can be dismissive, but for how long? What if it's a person you're forced to interact with on a regular basis? If you keep avoiding and withdrawing, you'll become depressed.

In cases like this, holding frame doesn't mean you become a punching bag for someone else's issues. If you don't teach people how to treat you, they will treat you like garbage. It's just human nature.

Dominant/aggressive types get off on positioning themselves on top of others generally by cutting them down. You may notice that they make these remarks typically in a 1-1 setting. The point is to establish control and have power over you.

When making the cutting remarks, they're placing pressure on you. Thus, the best way to deal with these types is not to agree and amplify because this keeps the pressure on you. Instead, apply a pressure flip by placing the spotlight on them.

As a grade school example, if someone calls you fat, you could respond with, "Yea, I could lose a few pounds, but what're you gonna do about your face?" This puts the other person in your frame by putting them on the defensive, and thinking about their face.

The tonality of your response is key. It could be said in a fit of rage, which wouldn't be good, or it could be said with grace, and a smirk at the end. It shows that you're not shaken by what they said, and that you're not afraid of launching an attack of your own.

INNASKILLZ2K18 · 2019-01-25T10:26:33+00:00

Just go up to them and say 'what's going on for you'? Cool, calm, and put it back on them

It's like a pressure flip.

FereallyRed · 2019-01-25T06:01:29+00:00

If someone else annoys you, thats the definition of not holding your frame.

Someone can only annoy you if you give them that power.

Dude, you're becoming an askhole... put the keyboard away and read up a bit.

Title	Does holding frame limit your assertiveness?
Author	polarizingpotato
Upvotes	1
Comments	4
Date	January 25, 2019 5:39 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ajly91/does_holding_frame_limit_your_assertiveness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/does-holding-frame-limit-your-assertiveness.203438 https://theredarchive.com/post/203438

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