This story starts 3 days ago. Red tide just ending and wife has a quick shower before bed. So I initiate for the heck of it thinking she still has her period (crampy and uncomfortable usually not DTF for about 4-5 days). However she is on and when I start moving down to eat she stops me saying “no it might still be dirty” fine. Caveman pounded it quickish because she tends to get sore if it is extended around red time. Smiles for both.

2 days ago I start initiating and she says “No I’m dirty.” I push it a little more and she is insistent ”No, tomorrow is hump day, I will shower then” So I’m OI at this point and I let it go. Not because she promised tomorrow but because It had only been one day and I truly felt fine that we didn’t. I am pretty sure that if I really pushed there we would have had sex but she would have gone starfish and given in even though she would have liked it in the end.

Yesterday, I get home from work and she is finishing dinner wearing black yoga pants. She has white dust on them I go over and run my hands over her butt. And say What did you sit in some powder?” She looks down “oh its Flour, I wiped my hands” I say “I will help next time you are baking I Know where to wipe my hands” smirk, laugh. Note: I cook sometimes but I never bake. That is her area.

Later we are sitting on the couch and amazingly kids (teenagers) are already in bed because they are a little sick. We are talking, schedules etc. She comments about wanting to travel with me. I agree that I want to travel with her and we discuss logistics of MIL availability (scarce). Kids are fine to be left alone for an evening but not comfortable to leave them for a week or even a weekend. Then she says “I miss you, I need to be connected to you.” Last week was busy with kids sports and it was shark week. So I say “sit in my lap and get connected” Now she says “I showered earlier but maybe I need to shower again”. Based on previous night I know she is hinting at sex. So I say “yes you do”. So she says what are you going to do if I do? So I say “pin you down and run my tongue all over you.” She showers and a great extended session ensues. At one point she comments that she loves my arms – even though 2 months ago she told me to stop working out because I was getting too big. Afterwards I make sure I stay in her for a few minutes while we come down from the high. She says ”we should have sex more often” I say “yes we should.” She apologizes saying I don’t know what’s wrong with me I am trying. I just STFU. Thinking back I should have said “We will” and when she said “I am trying” I should have said “don’t worry I will make it happen.” Still learning even though improvements are huge.

What is worth learning here? Besides all the little things (Kino, talking sexual, being sexual early way before anything could happen (kids still up and around) here are the big things that have changed in my frame from 10 years ago:

  • When she asked if she should shower old me would have said. “It’s up to you.” New me says “Yes you should”

  • When she asked what would I do? Old me would have said. “Cuddle you” because I couldn’t directly talk sexual. Embarrassed.

  • Old me would have hinted at sex but expected her to start it.

  • Here is a women who has been married 19 years who still plays plausible deniability and has ASD

  • Even though she ‘promised’ sex tomorrow but then she gave herself lots of ‘outs’ had I not followed through and pushed

  • She feels closer/more connected after sex

  • As much as she wants more sex she can’t / won’t initiate it more than making herself available

  • Now I know that it is my responsibility to continue to push it even more. Our sex life is my responsibility. She is very reactive and her ‘initiations’ are extremely gently deniable hints. Old me would have resented this and been angry that she didn’t just jump on me when she promised to yesterday. Now I accept the responsibility. Next steps in this area keep lifting and keep it exciting, push boundaries about when and where. DEVI