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Applying MRP concepts to LDR

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October 25, 2017
8 upvotes

I'm a USAF SOF guy, have had my stuff together for most of my 10 years of marriage. Met the wife while I was training, and I've spent a lot of time on the road deploying and training, so the honeymoon phase got repeated a lot, and she was the one who had to chase me.

Fast forward 7 deployments and 8 years, and I started to struggle with PTSD. Didn't recognize it creeping in for a while, constantly building up. Always on the hook for short notice deployments, now we have 2 little girls, constantly felt stressed. I socially withdrew, lost interest in a lot of things, and spent too much time drinking and browsing Reddit. Arguments happened a lot, and I deferred to the wife rather than make decisions, becoming very BP. I recognize now how unattractive I was. She eventually moved out.

I started working on myself some, and 9 months later she moved back in with me and our daughters. Things were better, but I was still reeling from her decision to move on, and I was still doing everything I could to please her. Sex wasn't great. I looked for answers but hadn't found MRP yet, and despite my efforts, I was still a pussy, and I can see now that my wife genuinely wanted me to be the dominant guy in charge that I should have been all that time.

I finally got the right combination of mental health help to get me fixed, right about the time i found MRP about 3 months ago. Problem is that while things were getting better but before my mental health was squared away (and I was still getting out of the BP funk), she got a 6 month job offer working for Disney in FL. We live in NC. She said if i didn't let her take this job it would break our marriage, and I relented.

She moved to FL and I found MRP and got my mental shit square all about the same time, 3 months ago. I've been running through the sidebar, and the literature is resonating well with me. I've always lifted heavy for work, and i can objectively say i've got a solid body, no issue there. Self confidence is very high, and I've focused a lot of effort on flirting with other women and being a leader wherever I can. Also on being more social in general. Wife noticed, and started giving shit tests, which are becoming easier to pass as I get more practice.

I visit once every 6 weeks or so with our daughters, she has 3 more months left at the job. I openly flirt with other women in front of her, lead the family wherever we go, and maintain frame. The last visit i left her each morning by herself for a couple of hours so i could work out or hit up a BJJ gym.

Sex is pretty good when i visit, but I'm the one to initiate. It feels obligatory, like she's putting in her time because she knows I won't get it for another month and a half. I get almost no risque pictures, and despite making forward statements about how much I want my cock in her mouth, I typically get an "Oh lord," and that's it.

How do I go about applying concepts beyond STFU when she's so far away? I'm already legitimately busy so she gets a little bit of my time in the evening as I'm driving to BJJ; what's the line between prioritizing my time and pushing her away to some fuckstick there in FL? It's one thing to be a playful asshole when I can grab her ass and pull her in for a kiss, but how much is lost when I can't kino, and how do you overcome that? What are some of the other unknown unknowns that I'm missing?

Don't care if your replies are brutal, but I'd appreciate helpful comments for both myself and anyone else in my position. Thanks in advance fellas.


Post Information
Title Applying MRP concepts to LDR
Author thegreatestape
Upvotes 8
Comments 17
Date 25 October 2017 10:04 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205235
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/78r512/applying_mrp_concepts_to_ldr/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
framekinoLDRshit testdominance
Comments

[–]screechhaterRed Beret7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

So congrats on getting the help you need for PTSD

But, let's take a couple of steps back and reflect with all the crap above, give it some time.

Also, cock in the mouth comments are needy bitchy shit, kind of unattractive and, we say here, be attractive

Next time she wants to blow up the marraige and move LD and change to a LDR with two children, get up and walk to the door, open it and point. Don't say another word

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

First, thank you for your service, and I’m glad you are enjoying it! My son is Army, 11x, at Ft Benning working towards being a Ranger. Awesome shit.

Now, for all that, you’re buff, tuff, and can kill people with your thumb. Your wife knows you’re a badass, you can lift her 6” off the ground and fingerfuck her, or throw her down at your whim and drive your cock into her like a railroad spike.

Great. You got the LIFT part down.

Mental health issues, PTSD, you sound confident it is under control, seeing the doctor regularly, and have a strong prognosis.

Excellent. Mental health issues addressed.

And yet, here you are.

When you deploy into the field, shoot and loot, hop and pop, blow shit up, you are in your frame. You operate from a strong foundation of training and experience, have abundance mentality, and get shit done.

At home you are OYS with your daughters and that’s getting better.

But the wife. Ah, the wife. If they didn’t claim to have a soul it’d be legal to chain ‘em up.

One side of your frame is weak. The side where you deal with the wife. The yin to her yang. The masculine to her feminine.

You are successful with women you just meet, you number close easily, you look great...on the outside.

But on the inside, where only your wife knows you well, you’re.....lacking.

I could go on and on and on about what your problems are in this area, triage you, pat you on the ass, and send you right back out in the field. But your GSW hasn’t been addressed, the bleeding stopped only temporarily, and unless we operate, you are going to end up back here again and again with a different symptom related to the exact same problem.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for life.

I want to teach you how to fish.

You’ve read some sidebar. I’m willing to bet you looked at it, picked the shit that interested you, and devoured it.

Just like learning how to handle and place explosives, considering the blast radius, directing the force of the blast, and ensuring the material you’re using is right for the target, it is a linear progression of learning. And when you skip something you’ll still blow shit up, but it might be your hand, or in this case, your dick.

My suggestion, based on my personal experience with it, is for you to start from the very beginning on the sidebar. Read it ALL, with the intention of reading it again and again until you can teach classes on it.

It’s months of work, hundreds of hours of reading. It’s tedious. It’s boring. And quite frankly, parts of it suck, just like some of the training you’ve already been through. But the shit you skip, like safety training( I honestly used to HATE some of that shit, but it saved my ass more than once fighting a fire at sea or handling a nuke), is the same shit that’s going to fuck you up and over, every single time.

I know of no better praxeology for creating your frame, projecting your masculinity, and dealing with women, than that found in the MRP sidebar.

Is it perfect? No, but it’s worked for thousands of men. And hey, there’s a money back guarantee. In fact, I’ll personally double your money back if this shit doesn’t work for you.

Think about it. Where else can you go and get 1000’s of hours of others experience and wisdom, for free? I mean, other than where you’re at!

Try it. By the numbers. Start from the beginning. Don’t skip anything. Take the time to digest it all. Think of it as the safety training you had to do...

I’ll help you get started.

First, watch the movie, The Matrix. I don't give a fuck if you've already seen it 3 times. Watch it right now. 80% of the metaphors here are based on that movie.

Next, as an overview, read this:

https://illimitablemen.com/understanding-the-red-pill/red-pill-constitution/

Before you post again anywhere around askMRP or MRP, read this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4z84w5/posting_quality_guide_for_rmarriedredpill/

Now, go here; find out which drunk Captain you are and WRITE DOWN the prognosis/reading assignments.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vykau/a_guide_for_beginners_to_mrp/

Next, go here, read it word for fucking word, twice, and use it as a pacing metric;

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/

Once a week, go here, and read a new article/book.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/wiki/index

Every single time you come to an exercise in your reading, a book, or an article, fucking DO IT.

There is no skipping shit allowed.

Your goal is to develop a rock solid frame dealing with the gynocracy as manifested through the feminine imperative.

You were born, raised, and harvested to serve that collective.

Watch this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SF2iImTqaTs

Understand your wife is part of the system, plugged in, and likely always will be.

The mantra is:

LIFT

READ

STFU

LIFT: you seem to have this part down.

READ: aforementioned

STFU: you do not talk about fight club. You do not become an asshole fucking retarded autistic moronic Rambo, go off on the wife, lay down the law, set new boundaries, or other bullshit.

It is business as usual. STFU about your changes. Let them and her acknowledgement of them be natural and organic. You will avoid a lot of shit this way.

EVERYTHING I have just written IS IN the sidebar. I just saved you an hour figuring it out.

Welcome to MRP.

So...

STFU

and...

Get to fucking work.

[–]RPTA34982 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am gonna go out on a limb here and say you aren't ready for active dread (level 8) when you haven't even got level 1 (passing shit tests) down. Dial it down a bit and focus on you while she is away so you can be even more awesome when she comes back. Also, turn down shit sex if it's unacceptable to you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a long game. She's already way out in front of you man. So much so that she's got you on lockdown at home while she lives a single womans life on FL. She's got the best of both worlds.

You are trying to "win" against her by withdrawing attention and STFU when, and pay attention now, she doesn't even want your attention.

The way to handle this is to basically pretend you're divorced. Focus on you, getting your mind right. Go out and get abundance mentality, figure out what OI is, and build a cool life for yourself. Do it for you, not her. When she gets back, you can see if she wants to be part of that cool life. But ask yourself...do you really want her to be anymore? I mean she's basically already checked our of this marriage. Do you really want to dig through the trash and bring her back in? Go build your fun.life, look at your alternative options, and decide.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Couple of items here. First, PTSD is serious stuff. You should check to make sure that you're all right in that area.

Second, are you guys officially seperated or "on a break" for six months ala Friends?

Third, you only see them once every 6 weeks? Do you call/Facetime every 3-4 days? Honestly (and this is under the assumption you want them back), seeing them once every 6 weeks is too infrequent.

Finally, you need to work on yourself - you lift, so that's good - you mention the sidebar (so many frequently don't read it), and the STFU, I don't see any victim pukes toward your wife. I'm thinking you need to put together a vision of what you leading your family looks like, and if you feel you're ready to sell that on your next trip, to lay that out. Highly recommend you being higher SMV when you do.

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Turn down the shitty sex. All you missed out on is shitty sex. For her, it could be fuel for the hamster. "It's been 6 weeks, why didn't he fuck me? He must be getting it somewhere else. Or maybe I'm just not good enough..." and so on. She may not react that way, and that's a good indication that you have more work to do. Or maybe she has already checked out. Either way, just keep working on you and let her worry about her.

OR...

Next time you visit, you fuck her the way you want. Fuck her like ya fear some random FL dude is fucking her. Better than that, even. If she doesn't hard no you, then you get better sex. Also, it may get her thinking about you, and the out of left field caveman sex, between visits = more nasty texts, pics, videos and so on. That all, again, is beside the point and shouldn't be expected. Just some possible outcomes.

Whatever YOU choose to do, remain OI & keep reading/applying the sidebar material.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Was reading a study about borderlines and PTSD.

Ldr/relationship, pick any one. 10 year marriage, 7 deployments? You guys aren't a relationship. I'm sure you've heard the stories of 20 year continuous deployed hubby, then retirement and divorce 6 months later?

Does that Resonate?

Id say #1, your continuum of force needs to stop at 1, officer presence. Fix you, be present, Dont worry so much about dread, you're not fighting a dead bedroom

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

There is such thing as an LDR in the red pill sense.

Edit: What does this mean?

she has 3 more months left at the job

Does that mean she is coming home when the job is up? If so, then STFU and just grit it out for 3 more months.

[–]chachaChad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

From your post, it sounds like you've been doing pretty good for 3 months after finally getting help and reading MRP. That's just great. Good for you. The thing is, she hasn't be working on herself in the same way you have. I'm going to guess that living with you and your PTSD has put an enormous amount of pressure on her and her flight to a job away from you was a coping mechanism. Leaving you and kids for a job in FL was dumb thing for her to do but it was possibly the only thing she could think off. It's fucking brutal to live with someone with PTSD on a daily basis and I'm guessing she's emotionally exhausted from it. Think about it. She left the kids behind. Nothing in your post suggests she's a bad mother. Maybe she is and maybe she isn't. For a normal mother to do this would suggest that some extreme shit was going on for her. I don't know you or her and I could be all wrong.

While you've been making progress and owning your shit, she can't see that in the brief visits and phone calls. To her, you're still Captain Time Bomb.

I'm sure it's upsetting not to know what's going on with her but, right now, you need to stick with fixing you. You're not done and you can't help her. She's an adult and she can fend for herself. You have to get to a place where you're good if she comes back and you're good if she stays. PTSD doesn't go away over a few months. it takes time and work. Focus on that for yourself and your kids. Learn to STFU and be your awesome self with her. Learn about really passing shit tests and learn how not be needy. Saying you're going to shove your cock down her throat doesn't really sound like gaming your wife.



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