How do I approach this.

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October 16, 2017

I’ve been with my LTR for a couple years now. But I have decided it’s impossible for me to not fuck women on the side. We just got a place together a little while ago. Had I known I was going to open my eyes to what I really want and stop hiding it. I wouldn’t have done that. But that’s too late now.

I want to let her know I can’t remain faithful. I love her and I honestly would still be with her, there’s nothing else wrong with our relationship. We don’t argue. She doesn’t cause me drama. She’s very loyal, She cooks for me. And adds tons of value to my life. So I can’t even approach like I’m not happy with how things have been. She couldn’t be doing a better job. I’m just not happy when it comes to having sex with one woman for the rest of my life. I also have cheated before and she took me back. But I think this time I’d rather be up front.

I just am so used to banging random women for so many years that when I try to settle down (for goal purposes, can’t party or drink anymore) I end up staying faithful for some time. Then I drift off and need to fuck a random here and there.

I understand that this may back fire. She may say. Fuck that and leave. I’m okay with it. I’d rather her not. I’d rather her understand. It’s just sex. I’ll be discrete, safe (protection) and not embarrass her. Something in me says she sees me as such high value she just might agree to it.

But if not I’m going to probably end up cheating. So it’s probably best we part ways.

I already have explained to her how men and women cheat for different reasons. That for men it’s just sex we aren’t “leveling up” or fucking because the girl is better. But women get emotionally involved and usually try to level up. She understood what I meant. But I feel I should be honest with what I want.

How do I bring this up to her? How do I word it in a way to maybe make her understand? I’m not trying to crush her soul just need sex else where sometimes.

Post Information
Title How do I approach this.
Author beta-to-boss
Upvotes 6
Comments 22
Date 16 October 2017 04:30 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betacheatingdramalong term relationship

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

It doesn't matter how you say it, all that matters is how attractive and valuable you are to her. Tell her whatever you want. I give you props for being able to say "fuck it" and be up front about it. Unless you're incredibly attractive and also socially charming enough for her to be able to rationalize it to her social group, I doubt she'll stick around much longer. Most women I know will choose a 7 who wants a relationship over an 8 who still wants to play the field, but who knows, maybe you're a 10 and she'll stay. This is especially true if she's older. A 20yr old can justify chasing a player around, a 30yr old not so much.

Anyways, good luck with that conversation. Hopefully she doesn't agree to "open the relationship" and end up outfucking you x10 and bringing guys back to your place. I'd have all my affairs in order for a clean break if I were you, and just rip the bandaid off instead of trying to cling onto a "unicorn".

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Id say I’m a 10 to her but she does have stronger morals compared to other women I’ve dated so it can go either way. Mostly likely not in my favor but who knows.

She’s foreign and from dating American women and foreign women. Foreign women blow American women out of the water. I can’t lie to you a part of me is scare of losing her and then regretting it down the road. So that’s probably why I didn’t do this sooner. I’ve dated a lot and haven’t found a women who is this hot. This loyal. Always had dinner ready. Doesn’t do social media. Does what I ask. Etc.

She’s not a unicorn but she’s definitely in the high tier of women I have dated and I’ve been with a lot. So that’s my main issue. I guess regret and then trying to be with another chick who I can’t trust for shit.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hopefully she doesn't agree to "open the relationship" and end up outfucking you x10 and bringing guys back to your place

This is the usual outcome

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is like the third post in the last couple months with this story (great LTR, just moved in together, can't stop banging other chicks, whatdo?). WTF? There is just this army of late 20's guys with the same "problem" all of a sudden?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

First , a lease <> can't. Hell, for a lot of the guys here a marriage contract + plus kids wasn't a can't.

Get any kinds of tangled things untangled , tell her, then don't renew the lease again unless she just leaves and you stay and can handle the whole payment.

If she's not on board, cool. You were honest, to me it'd only be right to help her disentangle. Your half-ass commitment lulled her and now you will be upending that notion by trying to be correct and own who you are (for now) I think you do owe her the least pain on the way out.

ie. It's cool to be a Chad who leaves a trail of tears because "she just couldn't tame him". But that's a long step off from leaving a wake of baggage because you weren't honest and wishy washy.

Then. Live. Figure out what you want. Eventually you will die, so the last chick you will have been with will be "the one for the rest of your life" regardless of commitment to that point. I'm sure at some point your attitude may change or you may find that girl that's fine with you getting side tail (aka swingers...I so hate the word poly-amorous... what a joke).

[–]mabden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

How do I bring this up to her?

Blackdragon has a blog post on this.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

But that’s too late now.

Why? You two cant move back out again? Happens all the time.

Bigger problem is that your thoughts are all over the place...

Your doing X but want Z, however I am not convinced you don't want Y.

How old are you? This could add some value to the advice we give here if you are 25 and not 35.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I’m 28. And we both signed a lease together

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And we both signed a lease together


I’m 28.

Your still pretty young. If you want to bang other women then do it, but I would be up front with her - are you expecting her to be monogamous with you while you sleep around on her?

Typically, and eventually the CC gets old for both MEN and WOMEN. Men who stay in the CC for too long run a different risk than women who do, but there are still risks non the same.

But you still have plenty of time for all that, but as you age you will either need to dip into younger girls to wed or baby up, or take a chance on CC riding girls over 30.

Pussy is pussy to me. I would rather invest in the one I have, and have it fuck me how I like to be fucked rather than hoping around bed to bed.

But to each his own, I am also 10 years your senior and have two kids so my advice is from a different perspective.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I already have explained to her how men and women cheat for different reasons.

Quit trying explaining shit. You dont need her approval or anything. You cant "make her understand" anything.

You make your decision and inform her of it, just remember you cant know for sure shes gonna accept it. "You are a great person and our relationship is great, but I cant stay monogamous. I will bang other chicks, ill be discrete, use protection and not embarass you. Its up to you to accept that, or we´ll have to go split ways. Feel free to think about this and give me your reply later".

Then its up to her to accept or not, maybe she will have a breakdown and come back after a week or so, or not, and your life goes on.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

What if she asks why I need to bang other females.

Or even better she’s going To ask who

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You shouldnt be afraid of what she´s gonna ask. If you are afraid of "losing her" you arent ready for this. Just tell her the truth. "I need to bang other females because I cant stay monogamous" or whatever. The "why" doesnt matter.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

He's right. It's a big fucking DEER. Own it. Don't explain it.

"babe it's what I want in a relationship. It's my price of admission."

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good way to put it. Thanks I’ll update

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

it doesnt matter how you word it.

If she values you "enough" she will find a way to deal with it.

if you fucking other women is too hard for her , she will leave. Or she will stay , and say its ok, and be miserable.

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Why be miserable isn’t it better to just split then

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

you do what you want to do. I dont know your woman. I am just telling you that how you word it doesnt matter. how she sees it is what matters

[–]beta-to-boss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Got it

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re putting a timer on the “relationship”. Cohabitation is the issue.

She would have no problems fucking a completely strange dude who is also banging other women. However, since you’re her “boyfriend”, the rules are somehow now different. As usual, relationships are a lose/lose for men.

Downgrade her to plate. Kick her the fuck out. If she’s on the lease, sublet and leave. Even odds you can keep fucking her.

[–]freshona1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sure it's the need to get mom's approval on this behaviour, or you looking for her to implode your relationship for you?

I think you want her to kill the puppy, based on this post.

Others have given the advice on how to go about this. Own it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women never ever grapple with this same problem that all of them have. They have dick smorgasbord options every day.

Think they have upfront honest conversations about it with their

LTR? With themselves?

Read the keylogger. or better, keylog your princess and see her and love her for who she really is

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Give her the information she needs to make the decision on what she wants to do.

If you aren't honest with her or yourself, you're going to foster resentment. Find someone who adds value to your life, you can add value you, and build on the lifestyle you aim to have.

It's better to rip a bandaid off faster than slower. Yes, it'll sting for a bit - but the respect you show to yourself and the people you engage with helps build value.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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