38 y.o., married 14 years, 4 kids. Wife is 34 y.o., former college athlete and, until recently, had a much higher SMV than me. About a year ago I realized I needed to make some changes in my life. I was unhappy with myself and unhappy with my marriage/family life. Sex with my wife was fairly regular, as long as I "put in the effort" as she likes to say. This means love notes in the morning, maybe bring home flowers or a present after work, let her soak in the tub for an hour while I put the kids to bed, and finished with a full body massage. WTF. I was about 30 lbs overweight and as is the familiar story here I had gradually become a beta pussy. On my own I started lifting and upgraded my wardrobe. But that was the extent of my self-improvement. I was still a beta pussy. Work was, and still is, very good.
About two months ago I stumbled across the MRP subreddit almost by accident and everything made so much sense. I have read the sidebar and MMSLP, SGM, and am currently reading WISNIFG. Increased my lifting intensity, started Keto with strict observance, and have made some major gains there.
I now recognize shit tests and am getting better at passing them, usually with A&A or AM, and the occasional STFU. I know it's a long road ahead and I'm trying to take it slow, read, lift, internalize, and work on myself. Still need to find some hobbies outside the house, but my evenings are almost always occupied with my kids' sports events. Not sure what to do about that yet.
Saturday my brother-in-law was staying at my house. My wife, looking right at me, asked him if he is handy and can look at a cabinet that was off the hinge. It was on my to-do list and I fucked up by not having done it over a week ago when it happened. He fixed it. I STFU, although I was fuming inside. I'm too new to know whether I handled it correctly, but it was a glaring realization as to how she views me. A pussy who can't/won't even fix a fucking cabinet hinge. I definitely need to improve in the home improvement area.
Sunday night I came home from the store and she was in bed in a sexy nighty. I entered the room and she asked me for a massage. I now know how my prior actions have set up this expectation and I wasn't equipped to address it properly, so I caved in and gave her one. Sex was terrible. She was not into it at all, wouldn't take direction, was closing her legs when I was kissing her belly and thighs. Where I fucked up is, instead of STFU and DNGAF, I told her to relax. Didn't help, and after we finished she told me so. I lost frame and told her I was tired of her playing defense whenever we have sex, and told her I didn't think she was attracted to me. Her response: "Are you serious?" Realizing my mistake, I STFU, didn't say another word, and rolled over to sleep. A few minutes later she said "don't go to sleep mad at me" and I responded, in as cheerful of a voice as possible under the circumstances, "I'm not mad." Went to sleep. Now I'm trying to be normal and DNGAF but there's clearly tension between us still. We have hardly spoken to each other since Sunday and I think she's expecting an apology. My plan is to DNGAF and go about my business.
I realize I fucked up, lost frame, am viewed as a pussy by my wife, I am still a beta pussy, and she's not attracted to me. Working on my MAP, and I don't have any delusions of a quick recovery. Any feedback on how I handled these situations would be greatly appreciated.