Hi all. New account, I used to post here but I realized through comments and posts there was getting to be too much personal info linked to me.

Anyway. I've been really focusing hard lately on ~being a soft place to land. ~ It's been strangely difficult. We've been lucky enough that I was able to step down from my full time job recently, I still work part time elsewhere (much less demanding, and the hours are more in line with fiance's schedule, so I'm able to get up, clean up a bit and pack his lunch before he goes into work, and I'm home a few hours earlier than him to have things ready.

So I felt like I was doing my part. however the transition into part time work honestly had me in a bit of a funk. I felt like I should be doing more *for him. * Or doing more in general. We talked about it. He agreed that cleaning and cooking is nice and appreciated, but it's more "my expected contribution to the household, as I'm working less" and less "a kind romantic gesture." So we talked out what exactly he wanted. What a man... Wants. Because he makes me feel safe and protected, beyond what he needs to. And he said what is said here so often. He wants a soft, comfortable place to come home to.

I've been trying to provide that. At first it felt like I was doing nothing. Just.. be happy and chill and pleasant? That's kind of doing nothing. But he seemed happier. He started being more proactive with other things in his life. He seemed less tense in general. He told me work was stressing him out less.

But then after awhile I thought, perhaps I'm being too soft. I found myself starting to miss when he would boss me around a bit. Miss when he would be romantic. I missed that passion and spark. We've been together awhile, and lived together 3+ years. So I've missed that before, and its come back before. But it had me feeling a bit down lately. It culminated in him farting nonstop the other day, and making a comment about "when he used to fuck." I worried he was starting to see me as too much of a caretaker, and less of a sexy slut. The whole Madonna / whore thing. So I told him. I told him I try very hard to make him feel like a man. And I miss feeling like a lady. For a moment I started to tell him the things I wished he'd do. But I caught myself and apologized.

I told him I love what a good problem solver he is. And I don't want to tell him how to solve this. That he knows better than me anyway. He knows ME better than I know myself. I just missed feeling like a woman around him.

He was comforting and told me it would be okay. I figured he would brush it off. I was planning on coming home and writing a long post here about "how soft is too soft a place to land????" and reevaluating all of my interactions with him, so that we weren't so comfortable. I figured I would have to fix this.

I walked in the door, he literally had candy leading to the bed, roses on the bed, next to the bed, candles. He has never done anything like this before. My guy is not a mushy or romantic guy. Never has been, not even when we were dating. In the past, when I've brought up issues in our relationship he tells me I am "making up problems because I hate being happy." I was shocked and in tears. I've been doing my best the rest of the evening to treat him how I treated him when we were dating... A bit on guard around him. Careful of what I say, because I want him to think the best of me, instead of talking his ear off about something dumb that happened at work. He told me I've been so happy and quiet, and he loves seeing this side of me again.

I can't believe this. People act like rpw/ submitting to your partner means being a doormat and doing everything they say. Not to say he never respected my wishes before, but before he was Mr. I Do What I Want, Take It Or Leave It. Now he is so eager to listen to what I want and make me happy. All it took was listening to what he wanted and trying to make him happy.... Who knew lol.