TL;DR - My husband is under a lot of stress, which is causing strain in our relationship to the point where silencing my hamster is becoming an uphill battle. I feel like I'm doing the right things, but I'm not sure they're making any difference.

How old are you and how familiar are you with RPW?
32. I've been lurking around and occasionally posting for a little over a year now.

What is your relationship status and how long have you been together? We've been together for 14 years, and married for 7.

Do you have an active bedroom life? It's not as active as I'd like, but I've learned not to pester him; he prefers to initiate, and he's the sort that loses his sex drive when he's under stress, which is more often than not these days.

What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) My husband is miserable. He's had occasional bouts of mild to moderate depression since he was a teenager, but this doesn't feel like his usual pattern; it feels angrier. Tenser. Like he's taken too many on the chin and now he's waiting for the opportunity to deal some damage of his own. Between his job (which he hates), our financial situation, the pressures of raising a toddler, and one of our vehicles being held hostage by a dishonest and/or incompetent mechanic, he is under a ton of stress, and he's just miserable. I miss him. He has barely said two words to me in the last two days, and any free time he has he spends with his preferred form of escapism (video games). Of course, my hamster has been trying to make it all about me, so I feel like I've been almost constantly reframing. I want to make sure he knows I'm there for him without imposing my desires on him, and I don't know that I'm making any difference.

How have you contributed to the problem? I could have gone back to work (post baby) sooner, or been more diligent with my virtual assistant job to pull in more income and relieve some of his burden in that department. I also have some room for improvement on being his soft place to land; although I do well in most areas, I know that I'm a poor housekeeper, and this bothers him, especially since I still spend most of my time at home with the little one.

How long has this been an issue? This has been brewing for the past 6 months, and has just in the past three weeks come to a head.

What have you done to resolve this problem? I will be going back to work full time once I have my car back, and my account executive can push the paperwork through, so that should alleviate some of the financial stress. I've been stepping on my emotional neediness by reminding myself that I am responsible for my own emotional well-being, and focusing on practicing STFU and being his soft place to land.

Is there something I'm missing, or am I on the right track? Fighting my hamster is getting harder and harder, and, although I've been actively applying STFU I am beginning to resent the silence between us. I hate seeing my husband so unhappy, and it's truly becoming a struggle to stay happy in the face of his unhappiness.