Advice needed: Dealing with personal insecurity in relationship

AFineDogMom · 2020-09-10T15:11:25+00:00

Honestly you should be watching him imo. Be subtle about it. The first thing you need to know about this sub is NEVER BE AFRAID TO DUMO A MAN. Honestly, if he looks too long, he'll touch, he'll cheat. If he loves you he will not do it. Period. Your gut isn't usually wrong.

honeybeeroll · 2020-09-10T17:26:27+00:00

It is a good thing to ALWAYS keep an eye on your man no matter how long you've been together. Even if you've been married for 20 years and never had any issues. It's important to as a way to track his behavior, and make sure he's not changing on you, and what to do if he is.

However, it does sound like this keeping an eye on your bf is stressing you out. Not like you're doing your due diligence, but more like you're nervous, because of your past, that he will be looking. As another comment here said, it sounds maybe like low self esteem and/or you were scarred by your horrible ex. One thing to try is to raise your self esteem and manage your anxiety about this. I recommend the anxiety and phobia workbook. It's only like 5 bucks to buy a pdf of it, and it comes with additional resources online. It's a guide to help you get a handle on your anxieties, how to pull them apart, analyze them, so they're less scary and have less control over you. Like helps you get to the root of your problem.

There is also of course the issue that maybe your bf is doing other stuff that's causing you to feel this way. I'm not saying for sure, but it's important to be vigilant, and as you're trying to get to the root of the problem, don't completely rule him out as a problematic cause. Could be all you, all him, or a a combo. I'm not saying that to scare you, but to make sure you go into working on your problem with an open mind and accepting the solution, whatever it may be.

Moonmask999 · 2020-09-10T15:50:40+00:00

so insecurity stems from low self esteem. Do things that boost your self esteem so that you feel so valuable, pretty, and awesome that you know that even if he does look or leave, that’s his loss, and you deserve better. Because you are a QUEEN!

if you have a critical inner voice that’s telling you he doesnt think your pretty or is looking at others because he wants to leave, silence that voice by challenging it with “what if I’m wrong?”. remember your favorite compliments, moments that you are proud of yourself, or times where he makes you feel loved in those moments.

Some ideas of what you can do to increase your self esteem:

Self care. When’s the last time you treated yourself? Plan a night where you can go out to your favorite places (views) and dress up or wear makeup if you’d like. like taking yourself on a date! If you like staying in, make a comfy area for you to lie down like with pillows and watch your favorite movie. Legally blonde is a good funny empowering movie if you haven’t seen it. buy a cheap sheet facemask or clay mask. do your nails. something that makes your feel beautiful and empowered because you are worth it.
are you happy with your body? dance, walk around naked around a mirror, excersise, take a bath = activities that can help you feel more comfortable with yourself.
make a fancy desert you’ve never tried!
find a new hobby that brings you fullfillment. a hobby that when you do it, makes you feel happy. don’t tell anyone about it. Just yours and yours alone. Examples: embroidery, trying a new instrument, learning a new language, taking cool photos, raising mini cacti, drawing, caring for a beta fish, trying to cook new foods on “tasty Tuesday”.
some people like meditation and or yoga as it forces them to reflect on negative thoughts they may have and to feel more in control of yourself and comfortable with yourself.
write down near a mirror or someplace that you see alot when getting ready for the morning: your favorite motivational quotes, comments, compliments, memes- anything that brings up your mood or changes your mindset into optimistic

I think it’s good that you recognize your insecurity and I wish you luck. Hope these help.

kittykittywoofwoof · 2020-09-11T04:01:31+00:00

There’s no quick fix to this. If it’s really just your own perception, you probably do need to speak to someone.

I always suggest the Sanity and Self app because it’s cheap and has someone really good “therapy” series about an array of topics. I would look into building your own self esteem. But I would bet money your insecurities are evident in other ways.. and I question any man who sticks around with a woman who knowingly struggles with her self esteem. Insecure men who like to cheat and triangúlate prey on women who don’t know who TF they are.

Title	Advice needed: Dealing with personal insecurity in relationship
Author	awakeningjourneyx
Upvotes	13
Comments	5
Date	September 10, 2020 7:34 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ipytv1/advice_needed_dealing_with_personal_insecurity_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/advice-needed-dealing-with-personal-insecurity-in.214865 https://theredarchive.com/post/214865

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