How to hold frame when you make mistakes?

rDiothe · 2019-02-04T14:45:51+00:00

Simply - do not feel poorly about it.

This will stop all the “man I suck”. Just don’t do those.

Recognize you are with her and then stop.

There’s need to say that out loud. It sounds like a learned behavior you were taught. Most likely, when you were a kid your instinct wasn’t “man I suck” that’s some bullshit you were fed somehow. A lot of us do this.

Just recognize the mistakes in your head and keep your cool. Yea you fucked up. Okay, time to move on.

No need to shoot for perfection.

itiswr1tten · 2019-02-04T15:32:52+00:00

Use a calendar. Being a shitty leader is unattractive. Be attractive

thrwy75479 · 2019-02-04T17:16:34+00:00

Your question made me look up an article on perfectionism. It is worth having a look at. There's also a good book on self-talk here.

There seem to be positive and negative aspects to it, meaning that while you should strive towards perfectionism, being perfect should not be a goal.

You will make mistakes. How you frame those mistakes determines whether you have a positive or negative mindset.

Instead of saying, "man I suck!" when you make a mistake, it may be better to think, "man that thing I did was not good!"

Notice the difference, whereas the first statement diminishes your self-esteem, the second statement admits a particular course of action was not the best choice. You can then identify how to improve that course of action through better decision-making. As others have stated, get a calendar.

Within the context of your LTR, it shows you didn't completely breakdown due to a few mistakes, you're unshaken. And, that you have a positive, learners' mindset geared towards improvement.

FereallyRed · 2019-02-04T20:13:36+00:00

STFU works for internal bitching as well as externally.

Chuck__Bass · 2019-02-04T15:27:59+00:00

If these are actual dates you want to go on with her, then learn to use a calendar and try not to double date or cancel at least 1 day ahead.

oooKenshiooo · 2019-02-04T16:16:49+00:00

I feel you. I suggest you make a habit of using a calendar app that synchs across all your devices. I additionally suggest you take a look at the GTD method. It might just simplify your work flow enough to get you back in control.

If all else fails - hire a personal assistant. There are companies that let your hire them by the hour.

mrpthrowa · 2019-02-04T16:28:04+00:00

When you make a mistake, you disappoint yourself, not anybody else. You've let yourself down, not your woman.

light-----------dark · 2019-02-04T17:30:04+00:00

My partner only hears about my goals, progress, plans, and map.

Nothing less.

In her eyes, I’m a rockstar.

In my eyes, I’m a rockstar that makes mistakes and learns from them.

masterpiece00 · 2019-02-04T17:48:55+00:00

Why do you care about all this shit? Why are these mistakes ??
Humans aren't meant to run like clockwork - your job might think they do.

whatdidshewrite · 2019-02-04T18:23:03+00:00

Mistakes are only really negatively impactful if you make them seem like they are.

So you talk to a girl with a drink in your hand, and while you’re talking you drop the glass on the floor. Do you:

A) make some offhanded joke about it with a wry smile; or

B) say “omg I’m such a klutz I’m so so sorry”

The rest is self-explanatory.

Resolution437 · 2019-02-05T08:27:12+00:00

Thanks for all the advice concerning calendars, I'm trying to use them more and it really helps. Just to be clear, they are meant as examples of common mistakes I make. If forgetting stuff like this were my only issues life would be easy. The key thing I'm struggling with is, how to hold frame even when these mistakes happen?

Is there a way to hold invincible frame, whatever happens? Or are there just situations where you just dont get into? Maybe another example. Let's say I'm on a date, step into a pile of dogshit, slip, my head lands onto a nearby cake. This cake, which although it breaks my fall and saves a trip on the ambulance, has now ruined my favorite tailored suit. Not life threatening but ultra embarrassing. How do I keep frame?

Title	How to hold frame when you make mistakes?
Author	Resolution437
Upvotes	2
Comments	12
Date	February 4, 2019 2:37 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/an28h6/how_to_hold_frame_when_you_make_mistakes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-hold-frame-when-you-make-mistakes.217846 https://theredarchive.com/post/217846

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