Some background: I'm 18 and dropped out of school and walked out on my work during a panic attack.

People saying things to me and bullying me started when I was about 11 and I really took it to heart. I didn't have a dad to tell me to stand up for myself (he only affirmed it and laughed at it) so I ended up blaming it on myself and letting it all come over me and become my reality. I've suffered with depression, self hatred and anxiety for most of those years and I've been locking myself up in the house for the past few years. I know this is no life and that things need to change but it's hard.

I hate my appearance and I'm embarrassed to go outside because I feel like I'm a monstrosity. I can't look people in the eye or have normal conversations with people. The idea that I'm so ugly that I don't want people to look at me or talk to me is hard wired into my brain. I know they judge me and perceive me to be of less value, it scares me.

What do I do?