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The purpose of our partner isn’t to make us happy. RP truths?

craycrayrandom
August 8, 2014
9 upvotes
/r/TheRedPill
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Post Information
Title The purpose of our partner isn’t to make us happy. RP truths?
Author

craycrayrandom
Upvotes 9
Comments 8
Date August 8, 2014 3:33 PM UTC
(11 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2czjoq/the_purpose_of_our_partner_isnt_to_make_us_happy/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/the-purpose-of-our-partner-isnt-to-make-us-happy.228789
https://theredarchive.com/post/228789
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Comments

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

There's actually a lot of good stuff craftily hidden between the lines in this article.

Don't put women (or men) on a pedestal. Your next relationship isn't going to be the thing that fixes your life or completes you.

Don't try to change or control your partner. Change yourself, possibly using what you learn from your relationship to help you grow. (If your partner's doing the same, then by changing yourself for the better, you're facilitating her improvement, too).

Honestly, The Red Pill's all about accepting women for who/what they are and focusing on yourself. That may mean not staying with unsuitable women, or behaving in a manner that a woman you're with might not appreciate. But your life's not about her. It's about you. So often, TRP is classified as trying to change, control, and manipulate women, when really, that's just a bi-product of being true to yourself. Nowadays, the very act of telling a woman, "I want X and don't want Y. I will pursue a relationship having X and lacking Y. If that's not this relationship, good luck to you in the future" is seen as abuse. Probably rape, too.

[–]BetterToBeFeared1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I'm torn on some of the "don't try and change your partner" debate and would like to hear what other TRP guys think about it.

On the one hand, I agree you should not go into a relationship thinking you can rehabilitate your partner. I also do not think you should go in believing you can change someone's character so that they provide X or stop with Y.

On the other hand, I have been able to change some behaviors in (younger) girls that are often listed as examples of things you should accept as immutable. The cleaning example the author lists is an example of something I have been able to change in some girls. I call them out on their bullshit cleaning, they resist/hamster, I tell them they are being a child and the next thing I know the sink is always clean. I've had girls tell me they "never cook" which would be a red flag for me, but then with some encouragement (i.e. "i think its sexy when a girl cooks," "when you going to cook for us?" "we should cook itll be fun," "it's more healthy to cook at home than to eat out" etc. etc.) cooking all of a sudden becomes a common thing.

Maybe there is a category system of non-changeable behaviors, changeable behaviors that are very hard to change so not worth it, and easily changeable behaviors?

Thoughts?

[–]1CaptainFalconer3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

People treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

Call it Pavlovian manipulation, or Dread Game, but ultimately it's demonstrating an obvious and healthy level of self respect, and not allowing the women in your life to extract value out of you without reciprocation.

[–]projectself1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

The author is correctly stating that you cannot change or control other people, and that if you have an expectation to do so, you will be frustrated. If you have an attachment to how someone should be, and they do not measure up you will have more misery.

However, you can state what you want, what you like, and she may choose to change her own behavior. You did no such thing, you did not change anything, she changed her behavior.

The RP side of this is that by making it stated what you expect or need (leading), she is free to choose. If she does not follow your lead, you remove the attention and affection and move on. You are always willing to accept her the way she is, and if she is a fit, that's great, if not, well that's great too. That is the point of his article and headline even, she is not there to make you happy; that's your job.

[–]sir_wankalot_here1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It should say "Don't EXPECT you can change your partner".

It is to stop people from going into relationships, and then 10 years later they are complaining the s/he does _______. You then ask did they do that when you met them. They reply yes. They get pissed if you then ask if it is such a big deal why did you get into a relationship to start with.

For the cooking example, maybe she sees you cooking, she then finds out cooking is fun and she might develop and interest in it. But don't EXPECT she will.

[–]Mightaswellmakeone1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I think I agree with what you were saying, although you posed it as a question. How much effort do you want to put in to change her behaviors.

Personally, I don't want to work very hard at this. So I moved to cities where women who have the personalities/behaviors I like, are easier to find. Then, I need to put in less effort to change them.

Some are willing to put in more work for that. Patrice O'neal is mentioned here often and he was big on training.

[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I think the point of RP is to get super clear about you want a woman to contribute to your life, and then screen for the woman who's best able to fulfill that contribution.

I, for one, am generally happier when I'm dating a great girl.

[–]2Overkillengine0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." -Epictetus

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