Asked girl out and she said she wasn’t free but countered with another day but it wasn’t definitive, how to proceed?

0io- · 2019-05-10T04:54:14+00:00

To me this sounds legitimate. She wants to meet up, doesn't know her hours yet on Monday. Just figure out when she gets off work and go make it happen. I don't see how meeting her when she's not working is entering her frame.

SkorchZang · 2019-05-10T06:08:20+00:00

The ex-bf thing was hilarious, good thinking there man.

I can tell you exactly what this girl's going to do next. Since you showed her some interest and eagerness to meet up, she will now purposefully ignore you, just to see what happpens or what you might be willing to do. How low will he go? Is he gonna come crawling on his kneepads and beg for some coochie? These thoughts puff up a girl's ego, so you can bet she's having them.

The problem for her begins when you out-ignore her ignores. Now the girl-ego actually must take quite the beating: did he forget about me? Was I not hot enough for him? Who does this guy think he is?

At this point, you still won't get her asking to meet. You'll get a rando message from her, which will say something along the lines of "my friend said you once said XYZ to her, ahaha you're a jerk" or if she's on the shy passive aggressive side: "I guess you forgot about me ;)".

No matter what the rando message actually says, ignore what it says. Treat it as her saying she wants to meet, so laugh or whatever, and proceed directly to telling her when and where to meet you. This will give her pause, because she will instantly know she "lost the game" but at the same time, what a cocky bastard, and how smooth! She will like that you're so socially attuned that you understand exactly the undertone of her random message, and how you got right to the point with setting up the meet again. Every girl wants to be with a guy that "just gets it", this is catnip for them because your behaviour suggests you're popular with many other women.

SwoleStoner · 2019-05-10T04:20:32+00:00

Soft next until she gets back to you when she can hang out. Women who are attracted to you will open up their schedule for you.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3 Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

319Skew · 2019-05-10T06:05:31+00:00

First if you are asking you're already in her frame. You should be offering two options that aren't an option.

Example : would you go out to the movies?

VS

I'm going to grab drinks. You can come or do you need me pick you up?

Second, if she's not giving you a set date there's no commitment. Period. Women flake on commitment last minute. You didn't even get that. You got the equivalent of an IOU written on a napkin given to you by a drunken stranger.

Third, you are already invested in the outcome so you've set her up in a pedestal as well as your ex as your actions shouldn't because of her actions.

I think you should think about how any of this makes you a better person.

I think you should say that you're free X, Y, Z this week and give her what works best for you. If she comes back with a solid offer that you can live with, great. If it's anything otherwise then just respond with "ok, hit me up when you are free" and radio silence till she asks you out and game other women. Don't be butt hurt about it. You just have other shit to do.

If she's looking for validation or to make you an obiter, you've saved time. If she's interested, ball is in your court.

MattyAnon · 2019-05-10T11:49:37+00:00

Me: “I’m going to the gym after work tomorrow, if you’re free we should meet up for drinks after or grab a coffee during the day Saturday :)”

Not bad, but phrase it as an order, don't fucking smile, don't say "if you're free", and don't give alternatives. It all makes you sound vague and wishy washy.

Better is: I’m going to the gym after work tomorrow, meet me for drinks after.

Me: “Bummerrr, but alright sounds good!”

This sounds too keen. Better is: "Sure". But don't expect the Monday-maybe to happen.

Her: “Monday might work. I haven’t got my work schedule yet. But I will keep you posted”

Don't accept second-best maybe-dates that make you a low priority.

Answer with something like "That's cool, I've got XXX on Monday". Make something up if you have to, but don't get trapped into this second-rate option.

What’s the best way to handle this?

Ghost until you can set something else up. Don't enter into maybe-dates.

It's not that she's lying, it's that you're putting yourself in a weak position. Only people with low options do this.

Find other girls to chase, wait a few days, then "Meet me at XX at YY". If she can't make it that's fine, if she gives a solid alternative that's fine, but you have to fucking lead here.

Bored · 2019-05-10T09:05:47+00:00

Wait until Sunday and say "Sure"

Title	Asked girl out and she said she wasn’t free but countered with another day but it wasn’t definitive, how to proceed?
Author	SwoleStoner
Upvotes	4
Comments	18
Date	May 10, 2019 4:01 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bmto5w/asked_girl_out_and_she_said_she_wasnt_free_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/asked-girl-out-and-she-said-she-wasnt-free-but.237808 https://theredarchive.com/post/237808

Comments