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Navigating a break-up

Reddit View
May 26, 2019
56 upvotes

Earlier today I (22M) broke up with my LTR (20F). I finished my Master's degree and today was the day that I moved away from university. My LTR was my first ever relationship because I'm extremely picky. She was extremely attractive, with a very caring and supportive personality - I was the first guy she ever kissed, let alone slept with because of her strict upbringing in her home country.

She begged that I consider an LDR with her, but I decided to end things even though my heart really didn't want to. The distance is around 4 hours of travel currently, and would only increase to thousands of miles when she graduates next year and (probably) moves back to her home country. We had an emotional farewell this morning where she cried a lot, and I cried a bit too and kissed her for the final time.

We agreed not to contact each other as I believe it will make it easier for us both to move on. I am feeling quite numb and have every urge to text her (which I am resisting and will continue to resist). The things that interest me such as going to the gym, hiking, reading, learning a language and socialising really aren't appealing to me at the moment and the thought of picking up other girls quite frankly repulses me at the moment.

I'd greatly appreciate some advice as to what I can do to move on.


Post Information
Title Navigating a break-up
Author throwaway2uk78
Upvotes 56
Comments 17
Date 26 May 2019 07:08 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/239765
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/btbt81/navigating_a_breakup/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipLDR
Comments

[–]NPC-tears53 points54 points  (4 children) | Copy

First of all congratulations on finishing your masters at 22.

On topic of your break up, you took a realistic approach on the relationship regarding your relocation.

I would first of all recommend making long term goals that don’t involve the opposite sex. Can be gym oriented, money ect. Making progress towards your goals will give you boost in your physical and mental wellbeing.

Write down how you feel in a journal as consistently as you can for about 2 months this allows you to reflect on yourself.

Go to gym with your friends or alone if you have to definitely keep progressing, not only will you feel better mentally but you’ll feel good physically also.

Talk to someone like one of your close friends about how you feel. you would be surprised the experience that other guys have regarding breakups and heartbreak.

Cry if you feel like crying, really allow yourself to feel the emotion, but do this in your own personal space, because regardless you’re going to cry anyways it’s better to not bottle it up so sadness doesn’t turn to anger/irritation or other emotions you don’t want to put out especially on other people.

Also look at it from the opportunity to reinvent yourself look at the things you could have done better in the last LTR and work on them. don’t let it hold you back from trying new hobbies and doing things beneficial for your own life.

[–]peaceful_strong_man13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

OP is likely in Europe or a different non-North American country so finishing your master’s at 22 is normal.

[–]johnson8420 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

id say hes in uk. theres a uk in his name

[–]peaceful_strong_man5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

There you go. He could be studying elsewhere tho. Either way master’s at 22-23 is the norm outside of North America.

[–]TheRedPillKing3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Plus OP, don't cry infront of girls. EVER. Find a guy friend or be alone when you do it. These girls will say it's okay to cry blah blah but deep down it's very unattractive to them and they won't tell you that

[–]TheDonCap7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Give it time man, that is the best course of action you could’ve taken for yourself. Only a bright future remains ahead, keep invested in yourself.

[–]Alien30006 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Give it time bro

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're 22. Still a child.

She's NOT SPECIAL.

Now you get to choose someone who is actually your choice, not just some girl who was in your vicinity that had some green flags.

Enjoy the memory, but look forward.

[–]---yes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This alone would've saved me years of grief. SHE'S NOT SPECIAL.

[–]PizzaAndProtein3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Allow yourself to feel the emotions, wallow in them, don't resist how you feel. For a time.

I've been there and I didn't feel like lifting and couldn't concentrate on anything, it's a hollow feeling and that's okay. What's not okay is letting it consume your life for a long period of time... I'd say 1 week max is enough before you need to force yourself back into some sort of routine.

No need to go chasing other girls. Think about the next stage of your life, what do you want to achieve? How can you get there?

If you ask me, the approach here is about experiencing what's happened and using it to empower the next part of your life

[–]robatusf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are grieving, plain and simple. It's the natural human response to loss. It will suck for a while -- probably for months -- and then you both will get better. That's just the way of things. No-contact is the way to go; staying in contact will just prolong the pain for both of you. All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other.

[–]_the_shape_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She begged that I consider an LDR with her, but I decided to end things even though my heart really didn't want to.

Considerably wise beyond your years making an executive decision like that. LDRs very rarely work, and are highly looked down upon in this community for good reason. They're like shitty copies of a copy of the real thing. Unless one or both of you is filthy rich enough to constantly commute back and forth, your LTR will be no more than a voice on a phone, text on a phone screen and/or a bunch of pixels on a computer screen. Way too much headache to keep the relationship alive and breathing. It very likely would have slowly fizzled out had you chosen the path of a LDR anyway. You made the right decision.

I fully understand the disgust with throwing yourself at new women immediately following a breakup, especially considering your age and that she was your first ever LTR. No need to hit the gas on this area of your life right now, but do try to stay physically active. Try to stay away from both the computer and your phone as this will tempt you to look into how she's doing (if she has some form of social media/by the way, if you two follow each other on some platform, de-friend/unfollow immediately) or reach out to her by text. Cliche, but it really is a one day at a time sort of situation from this point on the timeline forward. You're probably knee-deep in the shock and grief point right now, but in due time, you will come to accept what's been done and you'll see that you will adjust accordingly. It's a tediously gradual process - I've been there - but the great news is that you are so fucking young.

You will look back on this experience fondly many years down the line - count on that - but grind it out, resist the urge to look back, pour all of your emotions into chiseling up your physique for the time being, keep marching onward, and although you might not give a shit about this now, believe that many, many more different women await you in the future.

[–]magx010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The answer is always time.

[–]Hambone_Malone0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Feel it brother. Let it all out. Monk mode for a month or two, but continue to live. Go to the gym, eat good food. Whatever you do, don't listen to music that reminds you of her, don't eat junk food, and lay off the booze. Other than that, it's just going to take time. It will pass and you will be a better man in the end. My advice is advice I wish I would have listened to when I've gone through heartbreak like that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Shes just another bitch. Shes probably already fucked someone else by now. I understand you are emotional atm but NO GIRL IS SPECIAL. And you need to internalize this.

Sorry if that sounded very cold, give it time man you will be fine

[–]boom_bostic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If it’s any consolation, a young Benjamin Franklin swore off his at the time girlfriend when he went to Europe. He thought the idea of a LDR wasn’t ideal for either of them so he broke it off.

He later went on to marry this gal and they go on to have a family together. It’s funny how things work themselves out.

I guess what I’m saying is....what you’re doing is the right move, even Ben Franklin would agree.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is the correct response. An LDR at this stage has no real benefit to you and is an enormous sink of your time, attention, focus, and emotional energy.

It's a shitty situation but pay a little bit now or pay a lot later. That's goddamn life.

One or the other party 95% of the time ends up fucking around or because there's realistically low risk of consequences.

At best treat her like a plate in another that you ocassionally get her to fly over to bonk and party but rarely talk to otherwise. But this takes a pretty strong frame and her being an ex LTR would make it pretty difficult to hold frame long term.

I might consider it if I'd been married for a decade, had school age kids, and my long term career required me to move out of country for maybe a year.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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