Need some help badly

red_philosopher · 2019-06-20T21:02:02+00:00

First off, welcome to the Redpill. I think you'll find it to be a grueling and awful experience, but ultimately rewarding, if you stick to it and accept it. Your friend cares about you, so keep that in mind.

I have been married for two years, we have been together for 7. We have a 2 year old daughter.

This is going to hurt man. Sorry about what I'm going to tell you.

My wife wanted to open our relationship, said it would be fun and would make our lives exciting.

If you aren't RP aware, this is your Wife telling you that you're not good enough for her anymore. You've touched upon some of the reasons, and she's not going to care until you get your act together. As a second thought, there's a REALLY REALLY good chance that she was already cheating on you behind your back and this was her way of "justifying" her shitty behavior.

I agreed at first, until she went out with someone and had sex with them, I told her it was too painful for me and that I dont want to do it anymore.

Yeah, I bet. Seeing your wife go out and get plowed with some other dude is bound to be a kick in the balls. Maybe even worse because you said "sure why not?"

I was supposed to be looking for someone as well, but after my wife went I stopped wanting to.

So you put your foot down, like a man, and say, "This stops now. I don't want to be a part of it, and if it continues we'll be done." And have the balls to do it.

My wife said that this was something that I wanted

This is gaslighting. It's something she wanted that you agreed to, then changed your mind about.

and that she was going to continue to do it.

She has zero respect for you.

She went two more times, every weekend for three weeks.

End it.

I told her that I cant live life like this and she says that she needs to continue doing this, because I had lost my job and my new one has less hours and pay.

The balls on this woman, holy shit. "I need to keep fucking other dudes and choking down their cocks because you make less money." HAHAHAHAHAHA that's fucking rich. Now that you're not even as useful as you were as a beta provider, she figures you've got nothing on her and she can damn well do as she pleases.

told her that if she continues that I will have to divorce, so she wants to just message guys on tinder and "chat" instead of seeing them.

This is a lie. She's still fucking them behind your back. Guarantee it. Start prepping for Divorce, and don't tell her about it. You'll need to spring this on her once everything is ready, and make sure you get a restraining order issued against her before anything goes south.

THIS IS A REQUIREMENT.

Lawyer up and DO NOT use a check or credit card or anything that has a record that she has access to. Cash only.

RECORD ALL OF YOUR CONVERSATIONS AND INTERACTIONS. Get a little app on your phone and tap it every time you guys have a "talk". Be cool, and let her talk herself into a grave.

I dont want my daughter to grow up away from me with another man as her father but I dont know what else to do at this point.

So don't let it happen.

Get all of your ducks in a row, marshal your forces and when the time is right, bury her.

My confidence is shattered, I have no family or friends to ask for advice at all. I need help badly.

While you are doing this, start treating yourself better. You'll be alright, it's going to suck ass, but you'll be alright.

Sorry for the wall of text or any spelling errors, I am on mobile and angry

As you should be.

X--Man · 2019-06-20T20:07:26+00:00

Shes going to gaslight you to death at this point. You know what you have to do.

Take care of your daughter and begin the process. It will take time, but it will get better.

zboo1h · 2019-06-20T20:22:26+00:00

Jesus Christ, how the fuck? What? ... What?

You need to get your shit together, get your finances together, get your LIFE together, and get rid of this evil person. She supposedly is your wife? Who should honor and respect you? You told that her behavior is killing you and she INSISTS on keeping it up because muh vagina?

How have you not already filed for divorce? Where the fuck are your balls? Are you a eunuch? What the fuck?

CaptainKidd96 · 2019-06-20T20:34:22+00:00

Man, I'm gonna be honest with you. Your marriage is fucked.

I don't even know how to start. Hopefully an endorsed contributor can help you out better than I can.

First of all if you are thinking about divorce please consult a lawyer before doing anything stupid. If you live in the west you are gonna get fucked in court in ways you can't even imagine.

Your wife basically cucked you because she no longer finds you attractive and she has 0 respect for you. If you were a high value male you should have no problems finding women to bang, sure, maybe not as much as a hot woman but you should still be able to get laid on a regular basis.

Now. You can either take the red pill and become the best version of yourself or you can go back to your blue pilled ideals and continue being the loser who stays at home while his wife is having the best sex of her life. If you take the red pill it will be a tough ride in the beginning but you will end up much better down the road.

For starters. Go to your pc and open this subreddit and read the sidebar. Also as an intro to the red pill I would advise you to watch Richard Cooper (entrepreneurs in cars) on YouTube and read The Rational Male. Don't forget we are always here to help.

You genuinely sound like a nice guy and I feel sorry for you but tbh I don't have much faith that you will be able to accept the truth. Although I would really love to hear from you down the road with an update saying that this shit saved your life and that now you're better than u could have ever imagined.

Best of luck.

SeasonedRP · 2019-06-20T20:45:34+00:00

Filing for divorce is a lot better for your daughter than for her to grow up seeing her mom behaving the way she has been and a man tolerating it. Do you want your daughter to be like her mom? Then kick that wife to the curb ASAP.

FereallyRed · 2019-06-20T21:21:53+00:00

She has lost attraction for you.

Is that her fault or your fault?

Hint...it's your fault.

Get over to mrp and askmrp because you're just the next guy to go through this exact thing because you gave up your masculinity.

Red_Pill_Brotherhood · 2019-06-20T20:39:35+00:00

You need to divorce her and move on. Start protecting yourself financially and love your daughter and be there for her but don't stay with a terrible marriage and woman who doesn't care about your wants/needs because of that.

And yes, she is going to say how this is your fault because you agreed to it. Do NOT buy into that. Also, she still insists on talking to other dudes even after she knows you don't like it? That's fucked up.

Divorce and move on. You're in a dark time right now but life will eventually be way better again when you get your finances in order and meet new women and take care of yourself well.

TheRedPillRipper · 2019-06-20T21:58:56+00:00

I cant live life like this

Don't. u/Kushisadog you made an error in judgement. Don't compound it. There are two possible outcomes; you'll stay together and make it work; or you separate and create a new life. Divorce is the only option but it is the most practical. I've been through similar circumstances and separated from my ex when our child was 3 years old. I'd urge you to strongly consider it. That's because the amount of investment it will cost you to shift the power dynamic of your marriage back into your favour will be tremendous. Yet your relationship might still fail and you'll be back here again. It's more efficient investment wise to cut ties; start again and ensure every future relationship you enter is firmly framed in your favour. Separating from my first wife my I was savvy enough to know how our legal system works. I compiled documents/evidence to support my case to have shared custody of our child. We now share custody 50-50 and I DON'T pay child support.

Currently you're angry. That's understandable but it won't help you. Start preparing your case to exit the relationship. These are the steps I took previously.

Get a good lawyer. Don't have one? Ask successful people in your network for recommendations. They'll have contacts.
Keep all your correspondence. Start framing texts emails(especially) so she admits what she's done in terms of extra marital affairs. BE COVERT about this. Your goal is to compile as much evidence as possible to paint her in a negative light whilst painting yourself in a positive one. You don't get a pussy pass.
Find a landing pad. MONEY IS THE MOST HELPFUL TOOL HERE. Start looking for a new place and put a deposit down ASAP. Ideally you want to be move in ready if and when you decide to pull the eject seat. If you got family great. It helps to demonstrate(with evidence) you have a support network that can help you in the raising of your child.
Start focusing on your child. Spend more time with her building your relationship. For example one thing I continued to do with my child before separation, during and after was make pancakes on Sundays. Now every Sunday it's a tradition. Little routines like this will strengthen your relationships.
EXECUTE; Once you're confident your Exit Strategy is close to bulletproof get it done.

It will be hard u/Kushisadog but what's your alternative? Be a man, make a decision and embrace the outcome.

Godspeed and good luck!

Glowv2 · 2019-06-20T20:02:23+00:00

You dont need help. You know what to do. Be a grown man and make decisions

TyroneTheDriver · 2019-06-20T21:13:08+00:00

Divorce lawyer. Your marriage is over, and it was over long before she asked to open the relationship. She already had a guy in mind, or was cheating, period end of story.

StopGaming1234 · 2019-06-20T22:58:24+00:00

I feel legitimately sorry for you. You are getting abused by your wife and still somehow don't want to make her look bad in your post.

The marriage is over, there is no point to discuss anything.

The only thing you should be concerned about right now is how you proceed. Don't tell her about your divorce plan. Meanwhile prepare yourself to start living alone for now.

thatbadrogue2 · 2019-06-21T06:47:12+00:00

She only wanted to open the relationship because she was already cheating on you, don't think this was a new adventure for her. This is a really rough situation for you only because of the kid. In all honesty, divorce, break relationship on good terms. That will probably mean being blue-pill for weekend custody/weekday visitation. You can worry about being alpha after you're able to provide for your daughter and be there for her. She's the only thing that really matters in your life. The best part about having no family/friends in your life to turn to right now is that you can do what you think is right for her without being judged wrongfully. The marriage is dead, it is what it is. Happens all the time, you just never thought it'd happen to you.

BurningOrangeHeaven · 2019-06-20T22:32:53+00:00

she says that she needs to continue doing this, because I had lost my job and my new one has less hours and pay.

Unless shes sucking dick for money that makes no sense. She a hoe. I would have gotten a divorce asap.

If no one else knows you agreed, and you never texted about this shit, i'd ask the lawyer if its advisable to deny that you ever agreed- For leverage in the divorce.

Take care of your daughter.

KettleLogic · 2019-06-21T02:28:55+00:00

You need to lawyer up in private. Your relationship is over she's just not willing to deal with it. You need to ensure that your damage is minimal.

Even the folks at r /polyamory would agree that if you aren't comfortable and have expressed it she is now is the wrong.

You aren't in a poly relationship you are in one where she said "well you allowed cheating and that what I'm going to do"

AceMav21 · 2019-06-21T04:28:05+00:00

Buy crypto they can’t take that in divorce court!

Ironic_Gangster · 2019-06-21T04:55:33+00:00

Oh fuck. Your relationship is finished, bud. Sorry about that.

teveza11 · 2019-06-21T13:30:29+00:00

Everyone is going to tell you how hard your situation is.

I have a different take on it, your wife is SO fucked up, and its actually a really easy situation.

And there is an easy solution too.

Find another woman who treats you well, and this one will be forgotten before you know it.

There even is a small, minuscule chance, that once your wife sees that you DON'T CARE about her anymore and could care less about everything she does, that she stops her behavior and comes back to you.

Indifference is an aphrodisiac for women.

An even bigger aphrodisiac, is being ignored by a man who has plenty of other options (women).

EASY decision, EASY solution. Find another girl. Even the shittiest girl you can find will be better than what you currently have, anything is an improvement.

I certainly understand the bad part of this, your daughter. Lawyer up and do your best to get custody.

Unfortunately, she is a casualty of your wife's behavior and disregard for the relationship.

I remember a girlfriend that I had started treating me worse and worse, the straw that broke the camel's back was when we were at a club, she got mad at me over nothing, started a fight, and disappeared into the club, I don't know who she went with or who she went home with.

I put my balls back on, approached the hottest girl on the dance floor, got her name and her number, and spent the rest of the night with her.

All it takes is ONE woman, to show you how bad you have been treated.

I have made a lot of mistakes in the past and have been mistreated by girlfriends. The "only takes one woman" idea I espouse to you has worked miracles for me.

I had a one-itis who I kept trying for and trying for. Another girl had me forget her in a single night.

I was in a relationship with the same girl for 5 or 6 months, hotter than hell, but I started simping (like you did) and she started acting like a bitch.

I found another girl and though to myself "what the hell was I putting up with this other girl for?"

With that said, the next step is to realize this was only PART your wife, I would say you are 50% responsible for what occurred. A lot of women will do the same thing as your wife did if they lose enough respect for you.

I take responsibility for my simping when relationships turn bad.

Fact of the matter is, when things go wrong in a relationship, you are most of the cause.

teveza11 · 2019-06-21T13:42:13+00:00

Here is another thing that modern men have COMPLETELY forgotten about, even here at the red pill.

I know you are sad about your daughter. Do your best to get custody of her and have the best relationship you possibly can.

Here is what else you need to do though, once you get your balls back and find the right girl, make some more daughters. This scarcity thing with kids these days is pathetic.

I have a friend who was with his wife, and had 3 kids with her.

She turns greedier and greedier, complains, disrespects, and even gets her dad involved in their fights.

This friend, he has some balls, he leaves her, finds another wife, and now he has 3 more kids with the new wife, lol.

This is while a lot of you are crying for your ex and your one or two kids.

Male fertility.

Also, if you have enough balls, there are lots of women who are begging to have your baby.

communistcontrolact · 2019-06-21T01:33:52+00:00

Plant the seeds in your daughter so you win full custody. Accuse your wife of doing drugs.

She deserves it

[deleted] · 2019-06-21T06:22:50+00:00

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sixseven89 · 2019-06-21T10:38:10+00:00

Is this a troll?

Title	Need some help badly
Author	Kushisadog
Upvotes	43
Comments	33
Date	June 20, 2019 8:00 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/c30rx9/need_some_help_badly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/need-some-help-badly.242867 https://theredarchive.com/post/242867

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