Breakup guilt

red_philosopher · 2019-08-01T22:56:06+00:00

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Doesn't necessarily make it easy.

TyroneTheDriver · 2019-08-01T23:04:52+00:00

Think of it this way, you saved her and you from the fallout of a doomed relationship by ending it when you did.

My ex didn’t want to breakup when I finally pulled the trigger, even if that’s what she was thinking of, but better now than having married her and her becoming more and more resentful toward me and potentially having a catastrophic breakup down the road.

I know it sucks. I didn’t want to do it either, I loved her deeply, but I saw the writing on the wall and made the decision to do it, in some weird way, for the both of us.

FereallyRed · 2019-08-02T11:22:47+00:00

Be true to yourself.

That's the baseline.

Nobody is going to give you the life you want.

So you need to take it.

into_being · 2019-08-02T04:55:31+00:00

All relationships end in either a breakup, or death.

Breakup is preferential when you need to spend your little time before death doing things and exploring life in ways that the relationship prevents.

Your guilt is related to the fact that you took the reigns and made the decision instead of letting other circumstances dictate the end. This is a character strength that you’ll only be able to appreciate after some time has passed.

claudiofelip · 2019-08-02T11:15:32+00:00

I ended a 5 years LTR. Everyone thought we were going to marry one day. I am finishing med school this December and both our families thought I'd propose. The thing is: our lives were going in opposite directions, and it was hurting me. In the last 1-2 years I started thinking about ending it, but her dependence on me (as a boyfriend, best friend, almost family) made it really difficult for me. I couldn't get my shit together because it was draining me. I tried to help her and her personal dilemmas every way I could.

Really long story short I managed to break up 4 months ago. The breakup was absolutely traumatical and full of drama. I felt like shit, she was absolutely destroyed. But... now she is another person. She is looking foward to her career more than ever and meeting new people. I honestly feel happy and relieved that I made the right choice. Your ex will eventually get her shit together (or not), but you have to be honest with yourself in your decision and understand you are not 100% responsible for her life. You can do that or grief for the rest of your life for something you can't control (her expectations and feelings towards you). Peace.

Cods_gift_to_reddit · 2019-08-02T08:52:50+00:00

Yes been through the same thing, pretty much exactly. You are not responsible for her feelings in the slightest. You have to take care of yourself and put yourself first here.

Just don't get in touch with her ever from this point forward unless she's very mature - she'll be in a really shitty place and might throw a ball of negative feminine energy & blame at you which will make you feel even worse. It's equivalent to a guy physically smashing a girls face in with his fist.

Best thing you can do for you both is to move on and accept that guilt is a far more comfortable emotion than hopelessness, despair, and depression.

cruzalta · 2019-08-02T07:16:07+00:00

think about this, a girl can leave you in a blink of an eye for another person. yeah she is sad because you breaking up with her because she doesnt have another spare branch to swing to. if you suddenly make a u turn she probably will start searching for a new branch because you probably do it again. it happened to me once, and i regret backtracking my decision. it is hard even for me after numerous breakups, even until recently but it is a better decision if you consider the future and the possibilities/probability.

Title	Breakup guilt
Author	neat_man
Upvotes	13
Comments	11
Date	August 1, 2019 10:54 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ckvord/breakup_guilt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/breakup-guilt.247700 https://theredarchive.com/post/247700

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