I was raised by a hysterical mother (in the absence of my father) who broke my soul so that I become the way she wanted me to be: A nice guy. I am bitchy, worry all the time, depressed, ... Seriously, I am 26 years old and until very recently I approached dating as if I were a woman (never approached women, waited for them to show interest, sometimes even wait for them to approach me).

I started working on myself a year ago, and immediately stopped all the submissive behaviors. I am slowly starting to be more proactive (approach women, go after what I want, and so on), but in my mind I am mostly the same beta dude. At my workplace I feel anxious when alphas/more dominant males (think self-entitled, rude, popular, etc.) because I am worried about them taking the little social capital I have. I refuse to submit to them, but then again I do not compete with them. I feel threatened all the time. This anxiety makes me depressed and ruins my mood.

I do not even care about women at this moment; on the rare occasions when I am feeling good they come on their own. I want to be happy, stop feeling stressed and worried all the time, stop feeling jealous, overcome depression, etc.

My current problem is that whenever I start standing on my feet I get hit on my head by the dominant males in my social network. Any progress I achieve then wither before my eyes. There is just not enough space for me to expand, and my fucking body/brain decides to shrink and go full beta each time someone reminds me of my place.

I am a man, goddammit!

I am worried that perhaps the damage is irreparable. That I am broken for ever.