I'm sick of it. I'm a pathetic beta. No matter what i tell myself nothing seems to work. I'm considering seeing a pscyhologist. I'm fucking pathetic. She wasn't mine it was just my turn. It's been a year and a half and i still think back to a girl i breifly dated (7 months) for a period of time who yep, ended up pretty much discarding me and sleeping around the moment we broke up. It was very traumatizing.

I do not understand why i still think about her sometimes. I'm full no contact and memories of her have faded... but i suppose it was how i felt when i was with her.. i don't know.. I have never loved spending time with a girl as much as her... it's like what could of been?

Most girls i meet i get so bored with or just don't connect with or actually like being with but not with her. And i feel like a fucking beta that i still think about her. And i feel like shit knowing someone else gets a turn with her..

uhhhhhhhhhh does oneitis ever go away? I wish i never met the bitch.

I was at the park today playing some ball with my friend and out of no where i got a random flash back of her..

I hate myself for feeling this way. I wish i could beat myself up! Imagine thinking nad some what missing a stupid whore who lied , cheated on you, and lead you on yep that's me

pathetic loser beta.