Inspired by Richard Cooper’s recent discussion on second opinions, a couple of posts and my replies over the last few months and my own experience which led me to become my own Sober Second Thinker.

Background

I’ve replied to a few posts recently on Oneitis and it especially concerned me the emotional knee-jerk reaction of some guys when dealing with plates that get under your skin, so to speak. From past experience, I too suffered from this affliction, and in one case exercised Operation Scorched Earth based on my emotions towards this woman. Never again.

My LTR and I at the time were in a little bit of a rut. We had everything going for us. We had our own house, nice cars, nice things and had at $1500 a month money spare for anything we wanted. Ostensibly, we lived like royalty for our ages. Then came along a woman at work. Good looking, powerful (up the management chain), seductive and turns out (don’t they all) filthy in bed. She made me question everything I had – and I was willing to burn the whole fucking thing down for her due to a covert contract. So, I did. What did she do? She didn’t keep up with her side of the bargain and stayed with her husband leaving me back at my parents’ house. I lost my LTR, my car and my home. Eventually, I got my own place and got back on my feet but I noticed something. For the first time in my life I was spinning plates, but I felt exactly the same as I did with the woman at work. I was willing to trade anything to keep them. I had already lost most of my shirt before, however my emotions were so strong I thought this time would be different. Every fucking plate, LTR etc. subsequent felt the same – my emotions were running my life. It was at this point I knew I could not trust myself.

Red Pill Life

I’ve known for quite a long time that I feel like this all the time, so I’ve learnt to ignore the feelings I get. I’ve been advising men on the same issues for a while as it does seem to crop up quite a bit. Recently I was listening to a discussion about Negative Reinforcement with Richard Cooper and Dr Shawn T Smith and I began to analyse some of my past behaviour. Smith talked about that when you are in the first weeks of spinning a plate or starting a LTR, you are experiencing a whole host of sensory information. In fact, it’s sensory overload. Touch, taste, smell, not to mention this woman is putting you at the forefront of their attention. It’s powerful and manipulating stuff. Smith says at this point you forget that this person has the same issues as other women. Their shit smells just as bad. The rub is that at this moment you get to see the best side of them, and it overrides all rational thinking. At this point the weak and feeble minded will be thinking about how their life together will be so much better. Newsflash – 99.999 times out of 100 it will be exactly the same. I could burn the whole thing down again IF I listened to myself. Therefore I don’t. I ignore those messages in my brain because I cannot be trusted. Cooper talks about ‘running ideas up a flag pole’, ostensibly checking with trusted men before you take a leap of faith. The RP subreddit is a way of doing this, however in those dark moments when you believe that only you are the only one going through this are pervasive and convincing. Now, I am my own Sober Second Thinker and below are some of the ways I keep myself in check.

Sober Second Thinker Rules

  1. After being with a plate I block all thoughts of how great they are was for at least 24 hours after sex. My brain is in no fixed state to make rational decisions soon after sex. My brain is addled and cannot be used for any logical decision. If it pops into my head, I ignore it and push it to the back of mind – I literally consciously think of something else. This is a lot easier after you have done it a few times with a few plates. Those thoughts remember are pervasive and convincing.

  2. If that plate is showing signs of promise, don’t do anything for at least the usual vetting period. Incredibly important if you are in the unfortunate position to have to exercise Operation Scorched Earth.

  3. It’s important to see her in her usual environment. Remember, you get to see the 110%, super fancy version of her. Seeing her operate in her own world will remind you that the grass is not always greener and therefore your emotions cannot be trusted or acted upon.

  4. SWOT analysis or pros and cons. Weigh up everything. Financial hit, upheaval hit, social hit. Do the math gentlemen and treat the whole thing like a business deal. Every change has a cost to the business – if this were a car deal, would you look at like you are now?

  5. Sex three times and you’re already doing something different than going around for another booty call? It’s a sign you’re already becoming uninterested. Use this again to convince yourself that the emotions are not real. The way you feel is temporary and cannot be depended on.

  6. It gets easier – you spot the signs and you learn to park them to one side and analyse them for what they are. I’ve learnt that they don’t go away for months, but then they fade and I’m back to normal. Now I know how I react, I can operate more freely and do less damage to myself.

TL;DR

Become your own Sober Second Thinker by ignoring the way you feel towards new plates for enough time to enable you to methodically analyse them. Your mind cannot be trusted in these situations. Learn to know your own emotions to keep yourself in check.