Where I am and how to get to where I want to go

misscleanex · 2019-09-17T12:17:44+00:00

This is the most self-aware post I have seen in ages.

First of all. You are in your early 20s. Take it easy on yourself. It's okay that you don't have it 100% together. 99.99% of us do not, and if we look like we do, we're just really good at hiding it. You're in school. You're self assessing. You distance yourself from toxic relationships. That is miles ahead of most girls in their early 20s with rough family backgrounds. You're also in therapy. I can't tell you how many high fives I wish I could give you.

Onto the rest. Have you looked into getting a study group together? Try doing it for each class. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but by my last year in college we had a huge web of people to help each other out and take over a part of the library during finals week, and by the time I graduated, I had a ton of cool friends.

There's a thing called "the freshman 15." It's not a joke. That's real. Your fitness is important. It will become increasingly important as you go into med/vet school. The most successful people in that field I know are workout junkies or they are just inexplicably smart. I think this is very important for your mental health, especially if your studyload increases. This is another opportunity to make friends. If your school has a gym, see if there's classes available. Ask around to d if anyone in your study groups from above want to hit the gym. If you don't know where to start, there's a subreddit for that! Even if it's just running.

As for time management, this can be a tough one to taxkle, and most importantly, if you don't, you're going to have a hard time in med/vet school. I don't really know what the best thing is other than to be organized with your time and always have a checklist handy. It could be as simple as an app on your phone or as complex as a bullet journal.

Finances - you mentioned being in the southern hemisphere so I'm not sure what money dynamics are, but building a budget and using a cash in cash out model might be a great way to get started.

I will add more later, but I just wanted to say. Baby steps is still moving forward. The man who moves a mountain first starts by moving small stones. Rome wasn't built in a day. Be kind to yourself. You're doing better than you could ever even know.

pixiethrowaway123 · 2019-09-17T15:02:28+00:00

Making friends with similar goals to you: join a school group for pre-vet or med students and participate heavily in it. I don’t know if you have them there but there are usually other school groups like for volunteering that nice people will join. Also befriend students in all your harder classes. Sit in the front of the classroom and talk to the people next to you. Create a group chat or Facebook group for your harder classes where you can share notes, study guides, etc. and you can ask people to study with you before big tests. Over time you can meet a lot of nice people this way. If you have other interests, join a group for them. I really think volunteering is the way to go. Also the more involved you become in a group the better. Don’t get discouraged if one group doesn’t work out, you may need to try out several to find one you really like.

Mental health: I would learn more about CBT if you haven’t already in therapy. You can try reading the book Feeling Good by David Burns and doing the workbook. You have to try really hard to change your mindset but it can definitely happen over time if you are consistent with it. I recommend keeping a journal and analyzing your thoughts each week using CBT principles. If you aren’t being kind to yourself currently, that is the first thing you need to work on. CBT is also the best way to get rid of a pessimist point of view and make you more grounded in reality. You have to remind yourself that pessimism is not realism, and it sets you up for failure. I think a really important part of mental health is also tracking how well you are taking care of yourself, so I’d recommend making goals for self care. Planning your day (use a journal, a planner, reminders on your phone, alarms, whatever works best) is important if you tend to get caught up in negative patterns of thinking. Exercising every day is a natural antidepressant, and can help make you more disciplined all around.

School is hard, but don’t be discouraged. If you want to be more disciplined then you need to faithfully use a daily/ weekly/ monthly planner if you don’t already. You will put in all your homework assignment due dates and exam dates in there at the start of the semester, and if you ever get an email with sign-up dates then you put those in your planner as well. Every day you put in the things you need to get done and you structure your day around those plans. Get the hardest things done as early in the day as possible. Make plans to meet with classmates to work on homework or study together. Go to office hours for help understanding concepts, make sure you don’t overschedule and leave time for traveling, eating meals/ preparing food, exercise, and relaxing. I would leave a day off every weekend for just relaxing and use every weekday for school. If you have trouble focusing on work at home, go to the library or a coffee shop to study.

For weight loss, the biggest thing is counting calories and changing your diet to make it healthier. Exercising is important but it won’t make you lose weight on its own. To lose weight, simply calculate the amount of calories you need and to maintain your current weight and then reduce the amount you are eating to less than that. Download an app like MyFitnessPal and measure everything you eat or just learn to reduce your portion sizes (but you will probably still need to track everything you eat and be consistent about portion sizes even if you are not measuring it precisely). Check out r/loseit and r/1200isplenty for more help with this. Also it’s much easier if you just cut out processed foods and stick to lean proteins, veggies, and carbs from whole food sources (beans, potatoes, whole grains); increasing the amount of vegetables you eat by a lot will also make it much easier.

Some people find intermittent fasting helpful as well because you can usually eat the same portion sizes as you used to (you usually skip breakfast or you can just eat one meal a day). I don’t recommend intermittent fasting unless you’re going to an event or planning to eat out that day just because personally I love eating breakfast.

Exercise can help, of course, so consider joining school groups or PE classes to get started. You don’t even have to exercise very much, you could just walk more every day and it will make a difference over time. If you want to get more into exercise to get in good shape (lean and toned and not just skinnier) I’d recommend taking up lifting weights (check out r/xxfitness and r/strongcurves). For mental health, I find cardio most effective, but some people hate cardio. I think the most important thing is that you like whatever you’re doing and you keep doing it consistently.

Budgeting is hard at first but becomes easy over time. First you need to know how much money you can spend each month/ week. Then track your expenses for a month, and see what you can do to cut costs. If you can eat out less, do that (it also makes it easier to lose weight). Don’t buy things you don’t need. Check out r/frugal if you want tips to cut back on expenses. The other thing is try to get a job now and save (but if you can afford to go to school without working and you are having trouble with your classes, I wouldn’t prioritize getting a job yet). You could try working at a vet clinic or walking dogs/ pet-sitting, maybe. There’s much more to it than that but I wouldn’t worry about saving until you are out of school and have a job.

Femininity: depends on how you want to express it. I think the easiest things are appearance related, like learning to style your hair, taking care of your skin, and dressing in a flattering way that you enjoy. But besides that, I think just working on taking care of your physical and mental health is the most important at this stage. Being confident, having good posture, a positive attitude, being kind to yourself, and friendly with others are the most important parts of femininity to me. The rest is just embellishment.

Dating: I would focus on just being friends with guys until you are happier with how your life is going. When you become more social in general and take care of yourself, it will be easier to date without putting as much effort in. And I think you will not regret focusing on yourself, first.

JacquesOffDerrida · 2019-09-18T01:16:14+00:00

Get a hip band and a pair of adjustable weight dumbbells with iron plates to put you at 100 lbs total or so. Buy an extra dumbbell with collars to use for hip thrusts. That one will be far heavier than the dumbbells you use for the other lifts. Now you have two dumbbells set to about 14 or so lbs (two plates plus the weight of dumbbell plus collars) and you will use these for everything- except hip thrusts, which you have a heavy one for, maybe 30-35 lbs starting out (four 5 or 8 lbs plates plus weight of the dumbell and collars).

That is all you need in terms of equipment. If it starts to bother your hands, fingers, forearms, etc, look into cobra straps. Now you lift heavy 4-5 days a week for 20 mins or so. The extra weight you put on in college doesn’t stand a chance. I’d add intermittent fasting also. I lost a good deal of weight with these things combined.

Edit: lifting will also give you great posture

Where I am and how to get to where I want to go

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Title	Where I am and how to get to where I want to go
Author	pixiethrowaway123
Upvotes	5
Comments	7
Date	September 17, 2019 9:53 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d5epik/where_i_am_and_how_to_get_to_where_i_want_to_go/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/where-i-am-and-how-to-get-to-where-i-want-to-go.253843 https://theredarchive.com/post/253843