Overt vs Covert Communication

projectself · 2015-01-27T07:32:34+00:00

body language.

Let me answer your question in a way that does not exactly answer your question but may provide some insight.

I am a Dad. A single Dad now, and I have a 13 year old girl and a 9 year old son. They know the "house rules", they know to pick up after themselves (mostly), they know not to take food to their rooms (mostly), they know that when I am working or on the phone not to be obnoxiously loud. They know not to come to me at 10pm the night before a school day with "I need ..." they know that this house is not a restaurant, if they do not like what is for dinner it's cheerios for them. Speaking of restaurant, they know not to act like heathens, not to order sodas, or even ask, without it being verbally ok'd before we go in.. etc. I could go on and on.

The reason they know these rules is partly because I have expressed them or at least expressed my thoughts on them, but really, it's the look. The very quick look of dissatisfaction, a twist of lip, furrowed eyebrows, or just the immediate silence. The "no". no explanation, no justification, no defending it. No is no and that is final.

I would also say that I have a 2 year old lab. She also can be silenced with a look or snap of the fingers and pointed finger. A flick of a hand motion will send her to her rug. She may sometimes jump on a newcomer to the house but she never jumps on me. I did not show her a spreadsheet of her jumping in order to convince her either.

As this applies to women, you have to be the prize. As long as she is working for your affection she will be aware of these cues subconsciously. It just happens. If she is babbling about some guy friend of hers she will get a grunt from me while I get up to go do something else. Guess what, she changes the subject and never brings that crap back up.

tldr; I do not show my dog or children spreadsheets or flowcharts.. but they get it. so will she as long as she views you as the prize. Frame, it means more than just something you do to get laid.

[deleted] · Tue Jan 27 7:33:43 2015 UTC

[permanently deleted]

BeautyQuark · 2015-01-27T14:42:58+00:00

Stories are the best way to covertly state you boundaries by being overt. Tell her about something that happened with a friend and his girlfriend and then what he did. Let her know you thought the girl acted shitty, and you would have done the same if not worse if it happened to you. You are communicating your boundaries and providing passive dread.

I would say the only time being overt is advisable is setting up deal breakers. However, most people understand the major deal breakers in a relationship.

SeekingTheWay · 2015-01-27T08:50:36+00:00

but telling your boundaries of what you will or will not accept from her behavior is overt.

You can covertly show your boundaries by soft-nexting for example

Dev_on · 2015-01-27T13:28:35+00:00

gervais theory. it's explained there as power talk and direct talk.

sidebar my friend... sidebar

MattyAnon · 2015-01-27T16:24:19+00:00

You can explain boundaries overtly. Women often actually like male overt communication. Use phrases like "I do not like it when you do X". "Do not do Y". "I feel pretty shitty when you say X". (this will be understood as it involves the feels word, but be careful as it looks slightly weak).

BUT .... the consequences have to be overt. Do not make verbal threats, do not dictate punishments or consequences.

Women often seem to believe as if every word a man says is a lie or a bluff or something that can be safely ignored. And sadly... I hate to say this... but they're often right. You're saying it like you hope it is. But you're not man enough to make it so. This is their (often correct) perception. Possibly because of projection.

Hence you do NOT state the consequences. She'll do whatever-it-is again, and you calmly walk away or withdraw your attention. If you're playful, you can use the "talk to the hand" or the head turn with "you're dead to me now".

Or less playfully... just withdraw. This is the one and only communication method some women understand. Threat of loss of communication, closeness or indeed you is a massive deal for them. Even if they hate you at the time. I've seen it turn the loud, confident, outgoing, arguing woman into a begging crawling mess.

If this works well for you, don't expect it to continue if you ever live with her and she has the perception you've nowhere else to go (I speak from experience).

Don't overdo it. Don't use it often - you shouldn't need to. She has to FEEL that boundary crossing has consequences and you have to know you have other (possibly better) options so you don't need to deal with this crap.

Title	Overt vs Covert Communication
Author	BourneRedPill
Upvotes	9
Comments	14
Date	January 27, 2015 6:43 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2tteuk/overt_vs_covert_communication/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/overt-vs-covert-communication.28408 https://theredarchive.com/post/28408