The other day /u/rainbowhotpocket made a post discussing a fundamental TRP truth - women are attracted to men who are independently happy. In this thread, I made a comment outlining what I feel is the most important lesson for any RP male - that is, that YOU CREATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. This post is to share these thoughts with the broader RP community who may have missed the OP.

So I've said that YOU CREATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. But what does this mean in a practical sense?

Feelings of happiness may come as a byproduct of being in a good relationship, spinning multiple plates successfully, getting a promotion at work, etc... but ultimately happiness is a state of being. You can find that state of being by making positive changes in each aspect of your life.

For instance, with women - you adopt abundance mentality and outcome independence. Over time, you realize that you can be happy in spite of rejection or a single poor experience with a woman, because those experiences do not define who you are. They are passing moments along the continuum of time, and if you learn from each experience, you can grow as a person. This is what makes you happy - growth and development as a human being.

Working out, learning new skills, mastering a hobby - all of these things provide personal growth to who you are as a person. Ultimately, you are the sum of your experiences. If you are not happy with your current state of being, this is likely due to insecurity with who you are and what you have to offer. If you are feeling worthless, hopeless, insecure, sad, etc - the first thing you need to realize is that this state will pass. If you want to permanently exile those negative feelings, you need to engage in activities that make you feel you are achieving something of worth to yourself - not to make anyone else happy, just for you, and you alone.

As you grow as a person, you realize that every person in your life is there temporarily. We cannot "hold on" to people, especially women, even if we'd really, really like to. Your parents will die one day. Your dog/cat will die one day. YOU will die one day. Nothing is permanent - everything is here for but a mere moment in the cosmic sense. What this means for you as an RP male is that you cannot tie your happiness to passing moments or people. You must be happy for you, by being you, and by living your life on your own terms - whatever those terms may be.

Self-actualization needs to be your goal. If you're not familiar with the term, look it up. Everything flows much easier for the self-actualized man, because he understands his surroundings. Maslow identified the following as self-actualizing characteristics (see if you can spot the RP similarities):

Efficient perceptions of reality. Self-actualizers are able to judge situations correctly and honestly. They are very sensitive to the fake and dishonest, and are free to see reality 'as it is'.

Comfortable acceptance of self, others, nature. Self-actualizers accept their own human nature with all its flaws. The shortcomings of others and the contradictions of the human condition are accepted with humor and tolerance.

Reliant on own experiences and judgement. Independent, not reliant on culture and environment to form opinions and views. Spontaneous and natural. True to oneself, rather than being how others want.

Task centering. Most of Maslow's subjects had a mission to fulfill in life or some task or problem ‘beyond’ themselves (instead of outside of themselves) to pursue. Humanitarians such as Albert Schweitzer and Mother Teresa are considered to have possessed this quality.

Autonomy. Self-actualizers are free from reliance on external authorities or other people. They tend to be resourceful and independent.

Continued freshness of appreciation. The self-actualizer seems to constantly renew appreciation of life's basic goods. A sunset or a flower will be experienced as intensely time after time as it was at first. There is an "innocence of vision", like that of an artist or child.

Profound interpersonal relationships. The interpersonal relationships of self-actualizers are marked by deep loving bonds.

Comfort with solitude. Despite their satisfying relationships with others, self-actualizing persons value solitude and are comfortable being alone.

Non-hostile sense of humor. This refers to the ability to laugh at oneself.

Peak experiences. All of Maslow's subjects reported the frequent occurrence of peak experiences (temporary moments of self-actualization). These occasions were marked by feelings of ecstasy, harmony, and deep meaning. Self-actualizers reported feeling at one with the universe, stronger and calmer than ever before, filled with light, beautiful and good, and so forth.

Socially compassionate. Possessing humanity.

Few friends. Few close intimate friends rather than many surface relationships.

You will fare much better with women, work, and all aspects of your life if you strive to be the best for you. Ultimately, for the self-actualized man the world is your oyster; it is yours to discover, yours to mold and to shape as you see fit to find your own personal fulfillment.