My life with mommy issues - full of searching and needing feminine validation.

Long story short - my mom was a bitch to me through most of my life. Making plans and not keeping them. Promising me to keep something to herself and then talking about it to everyone. Calling me a "worm living in a basement". I could name a few more. While being in my first real LTR in the age of 18 i've moved out with my father as my parents split. Prior to that there was a major fight which involved my LTR at that moment and i have 0 contact with my mom now.

This causes me real shit in my daily life. However i try my best - taking martial arts classes, fucking blasting it lately on gym, talking to girls at social events, studying and slowly creating my career path.

I face many anxietes. A few days ago while being really high on shrooms (about 9g dry) i rediscovered some of the heaviest matters in my life. I treat women in my life like they were my mom. Like they owe me something. Owe me taking care of me and loving me. I'm goign through a therapy and one of the most important topics i face is my desperate need for mother-like love form other females. I also start to feel that i project my mother's need onto my gf.

At this point i do my best to stay conscious all day long and repeat to myself that my gf and other women ARE NOT my mom and they cannot give me what i truly want and feel lack of - unconditional mother's love.

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Given this info i'd like you to point me an direction on how to lead my LTR to gain from it and learn to give less shit.

I'm with very lovely girl. Met her through day game. She's loving, cooks and fucks whenever i want. But there are areas i definitely want to improve.

I feel heavily dreaded when when have strings of days without talking. I feel like i'm being rejected by my mother. How to handle it? I have to add that she's up to meet 95% of the times i initiate something. It may be perceived as needy as i initiate contact too frequently during the week.

I have to add that when we meet the talking is like 60% her and 40% me, so i want to know how to keep that ratio during the week.

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Sometimes when we're together i feel like i'm fucking pretty close to break down and not hold the pressure of leading as a man. I feel like i'm right at the edge of my nerves and holding my frame. But i manage to do it as far. But i can't hold the anxiety of being left at the long term.

I'm really struggling guys but i want to get better. What should i do?