I've been deep into redpill for a few years now. I got sucked into it about the time the trp subreddit began. I've dramatically quit the various subs and forums I was active in over the past couple months. I threw away a large chunk of my book collection just today. I feel the need to talk to somebody about it but only random internet strangers seem to relate, so here I am. I've been through your helpful first aid sticky thread but I wanted to talk specifically about the things that made me question this whole manosphere enterprise and what finally made me decide to separate.

The redpill is a convincing sell because it purports to give you the uncomfortable truths of what's really going on with women and life in general. The idea is that if you accept these controversial ideas and act accordingly your love life will improve. It is a variation on the clickbait theme of "10 secrets doctors don't want you to know." You find yourself swallowing ideas that go against your instincts because you blame those instincts on your lowly sad position in life. It is a vulnerable position that probably hooks people into lots of unfortunate delusions.

What really bothered me about the redpill community were these three in particular:

  • The social Darwinist Ayn Raynd style outlook
  • Racial hatred, especially the antisemitism
  • Conspiracy theory delusions

I tolerated the brutal Rayndian outlook because of the amount of apparently successful people that hold to it. I tried to swallow it myself in an effort to escape the losers mentality. I can't do it guys, sometimes bad things happen to good people, even the smartest bravest strongest among us also have to be lucky to succeed, people have an inherent dignity and deserve respect no matter how badly they have failed. Hard work does not always pay off, life isn't fair and we should try to lift each other up and be kind to one another. Losers don't deserve to be losers because they are inferior people, there is no such thing as inferior people. I guess that is loser mentality, I can't help it.

And my God what is it about the Jews? Everything is their fault for some shadowy reason. I had a couple Jewish friends at school, they just seemed like regular people to me. The idea that there is some giant Jewish conspiracy behind everything and that the entire drama that the Western world finds itself in was engineered by the Jews, I can't begin to wrap my head around it. The whole theory is completely bonkers. They cite things like the porn industry, the frankfurt school, a bunch of economic stuff and couple books written in the 1920s. I've never been convinced to hate Jews and it was always something I turned a blind eye to.

The last straw was all the conspiracy theories. We never landed on the moon, 9/11 was an inside job, AIDS is a hoax, a Pizza restaurant in DC operates a satanic child sex cult under ground. I couldn't handle it anymore. If people were clinging so hard to these dumb ideas, what else were they wrong about? It was at this point that I came across your sub and for that I am grateful. I spend a lot of time on the web, probably too much. I always hated that prisonplanet insanity that would constantly get repeated everywhere. It took me a long time to realize that maybe the redpill itself was also prisonplanet style nonsense. I'm sorry that it took so long. I now worry that I've said things to lead others astray over the years that I can't go back and correct.

So I'm out of it, now what? And that's the thought I'm wrestling with now. This was a large part of my identity for 5 ish years. I've separated from people I considered friends. I navigated life based on wisdom that I no longer accept. I appreciate certain aspects of redpill. I think we all ought to accept that the facts of life might be a little uncomfortable. We ought to employ self-reflection and try to change in ways that make us happier. There probably is value in learning about social strategy. Surely some of that is available outside of the manosphere. I like the idea of guys trying to help one another turn their lives around but I want to do it in a less brutal, hateful, delusional way. Is that a thing that exists? I sure hope so.

I'm still lonely, sad and full of regrets, but I'm determined not to be hateful and delusional on top of that, so I guess I'll hang around here for a while. Thanks for reading.