I just realized I swallowed part of the red pill a long long time ago, back when Ross Jeffries was peddling his bullshit on Usenet.

Reading TRP and MGTOW stuff, I felt like I was destined to be a classic "beta bux" because I'm one of those late blooming guys that got bullied relentlessly until I got out on my own and started supporting myself, and even then I still faced bullying as an adult.

I felt weak and unlovable, even though I had, objectively, a lot of success with women in spite of the fact that I didn't do any of the controlling and manipulative shit that these RP groups preach, because I internalized the mantra "If you want to be loved, you will need to get out your wallet, because that is what women want from you". Women seek a provider and that's just the way it is.

This didn't simply ruin my romantic relationships. It made the ones I got into a self-fulfilling prophecy. I subconsciously went for women that really did have little to offer other than their looks and sex because they confirmed my pre-existing bias, and I valued the fact that they were "easy to read" so much that it overrode all the red flags that I should have been taking note of and running from.

I always laughed at the guys that bought the full package and thought that protected me, but TRP is as toxic and insidious as lead in the water. It will affect every part of your life in subtle ways until it kills you.

A poster here likes to use the term "mental diet". I love this. I've always had a weakness for outside the box thinking just because I like originality. But I'm someone who is impressionable due to that bullied past and I need to be careful who or what I listen to.

Thanks everyone. Especially /u/BigAngryDinosaur.