Yo fellas,

I'm trying to figure out some weird stuff about myself. I don't normally seek out advice, especially over the internet. I think I might be losing perspective or...I don't know.

My last relationship was 8 years long and it was good. We were married for 4 years. She was diagnosed with a rare un-treatable genetic disease 2 years after we wed and she finally passed in my arms 2 years after that in 2018. I took her to the best docs in the US, and took care of everything. It was an extremely stressful time. I stuck by her though and showed nothing less than raw stoicism and love throughout. She was an ideal RP'ers woman, a tall attractive redhead with a great traditional family. I'm not saying she was a unicorn, but I did my thing to keep her around, aroused, and invested. She chased me and it felt good. I'm a wholeheartedly believer in everything The Rational Male.

I'm 31, lifter and 6-pack shredded. I'm not a baller but I make good money. Have my own house (only debt), and a rental on the side. I ride dirt bikes and motorcycles, collect guns, tons of other masculine hobbies. I'm very social and likable. Somewhere half way through 2019 I decided to get back into the game. I've pulled maybe 100 phone numbers on just tinder and cold approaches since then, and I've had a lot of fun doing that. Girls will express a lot of interest and pour their lil' hearts out to me. Every time though at a certain point I just lose interest. Long convos, dates, tingles. I could have sex with all of them, I just don't for whatever reason. No ED, no moral reason, I just ghost and move on to getting to know the next one. I have an IDGAF attitude and outcome independence, so it seems like it's just for entertainment.

My problem is even though I get a lot of attention and I have an interesting life, I just still feel empty. It's not really depression, more like internal confusion. The girls I talk to are all younger, good looking non-fattys, never married, non-mothers. In fact I just let go of an interested 9/10 that in the back of my mind I wonder if I'll regret it. Somehow right now I don't care though, even though I reason that I think I should. It's not that I feel like I'm hung up on my late wife, I internally accepted it after her health took a downturn sometime in the last year she was alive. But why do I not seek fulfillment with new women? My reasoning and instincts aren't agreeing with one another.

Anyone ever experienced something like this?