29 YO single RedPilled 3 weeks, redpill aware 3 months. (OYS on MarriedRedPill)
HT 5'6" WT 131 BF 14%
I always believed in God and have done many things in His name. I wanted to take religion seriously a while a go, but the struggle with living in others frames took me to a different path.
Through theredpill, I saw many things in everyday life differently. Monk mode, in particular, had me own my weakest points and do my best to overcome them. Finally, the truth I embraced through redpill started to unveil the true relationship nature I have with God. I always thought I am worshiping only out of love, no strings attached. He gave me everything and this the least I can do, while persistent on my sins, to deserve the forgiveness He gave and the paradise He promised. But it's been only few weeks and I'm tested with my patience, lust and faith. I don't get myself anymore, as I see the covert contract I have with him, which says: if I pray today, I get my prayer answered according to my terms. If I do this charity, I shouldn't experience such and such calamity at work or home.. I don't know why would I lie to myself in front of God. Spiritual-level nice guy syndrome?
Having said that, even if I don't live in other's frame, I know from deep down that I want to take advantage of every opportunity I have with girls to develop experience and create memorizable past of mistakes to laugh at. I know if I want to be reborn again, I will have this FOMO competing with my sincerity towards God.
My question is, as I want to embrace the truth and act upon it. should I just stop doing these "righteous" acts whenever I see myself doing them to get something back? Should I continue my dating game, accepting myself as a sinner now, while improving myself and my frame until I feel the true need to kneel sincerely before God?