I feel like shit.

I just turned 20 a few days ago. I found TRP when I was 17. I was at an all-time low. Since then I've lost lotsa weight, I lift, I do well in school, I have aspirations, I make money, I take care of my family both monetarily and emotionally, I keep to myself, I've joined a fraternity, I've experienced what I've wanted to experience, but I cannot build and develop and keep an interpersonal relationship for the life of me.

All of my male friends have always been jealous of me. They're all fucking my old plates. Basking in my old glory. My whole fucking life. I stopped hanging around them. I prefer to be solo. I find that people hold me back. Especially males. Alpha contests. Dick swinging contests. I don't need to swing dicks. I know where I stand.

All of my female FWB/plates disgust me and I don't even want to fuck them anymore. I literally was fucking a plate last week and had to run out and throw up on her porch because it disgusted me how easy it was to fuck this girl. How much she wanted to get degraded I guess? Shit makes me sick to my stomach. I DO NOT KNOW WHY.

Stop talking to females, problem solved! Yeah, no. I enjoy talking to them. It helps me practice my game and helps me be social. It helps me know what's going on inside their heads and I quite frequently get insights about girls' thoughts when I'm speaking to them. To clarify, if I'm not fucking a girl, I don't talk to them for fun. Every girl I've spoken to or speak to, I've enjoyed. But still. Like... Anybody feel me? Like, knowing that somebody else is fucking my plate either before or after I fuck her makes me upset even though she is not my girl. If any of you are gonna say I have feelings for these girls, that would give me feelings for a LOTTTTT of girls which I really don't think is the case. I don't want any of my plates getting smashed by anybody else. Not fair, I know, but does anybody feel me on this? The pain that this shit gives me lingers deep in my chest and I fucking hate it.