How to enjoy the wait to have kids and get married?

BeataBeatrix2005 · 2020-10-31T15:30:21+00:00

I get what you are saying about that urge to have a baby. I experienced the same thing before my first child was born. There comes a moment when the only thing you can think about is a baby. Well, this is a matter for you and your boyfriend to work out. But I'm not sure why you'd need to wait for 3 years. We had our first baby in a rented 1-bedroom apartment. She slept in a cot next to us for her first year. Nurseries are fun to decorate but they are not necessary. If you talk to people who are parents, I think most of them will tell you there will never be a "perfect" time to have a baby. It's always a huge disruption. I was 31 and married when I gave birth to my first. Seems ideal. But the pregnancy messed up our plans for my husband to take a job in another country because the health insurance we were offered wouldn't cover the birth.

There is a lot to be said for having your kids young. You get a lot more freedom to space them out. I have had a bunch of health issues that forced me to delay pregnancy. So now I'm in a race with my biological clock. We have 3 kids. I think I'd like a fourth and I'd rather wait till my kids are older. But I don't have the luxury of time. You do.

So I don't advocate being irresponsible but I think you and your boyfriend should talk about whether things you consider essential are more like luxuries. Children are such a joy. Don't let that pass you by.

Luluofthevalley · 2020-11-04T23:33:15+00:00

I don't understand - if you know you want to get married, why wait 3 years? That's basically a 3-year engagement. Why not get married sooner?

DrBoby · 2020-10-31T10:07:11+00:00

My advice is don't wait, convince your man. I disagree with people waiting when they have everything except money.

It's ok to marry young and have babies young, and it's easier physically. You won't be able to throw as much money in but that's ok.

Mewster1818 · 2020-10-31T11:21:45+00:00

I am pregnant with my first now(I'm 28), and we waited almost exactly the same amount of time(I'm 2 years older but wanted to start at 25).

There's an argument for waiting and an argument for not waiting, and I don't think either is inherently better or worse than the other.

Waiting has the pro of making sure that you can afford everything that you want for the baby, less stress with jobs and living situations(as you will generally be more stable). Working from home with a baby will still realistically mean that you probably will need help with childcare depending on the capacity of your job, so make sure you factor that in as well. If you really want an experience where you can buy everything with all the bells and whistles, take more time off from work, etc then waiting might be a good option for you.

On the reverse, if you wait until you're "ready" you'll never be ready enough. Plenty of people have children young, and while it comes with it's own stresses, like maybe needing to penny-pinch for a few years, people get through it just fine all the time. Not waiting allows you to have children and be young and energetic, even if you maybe have to pass up some of the nicer baby items and some lifestyle choices that you might like.

My siblings and I are actually quite a few years apart and I can tell you it made a big difference. As the oldest my early childhood revolved around time spent with my parents, but there were often toys and clothes and stuff that I wanted and they couldn't afford. My sister(8 years younger than me) doesn't have any memories of our parents not being able to afford things, but my parents were also in their 30s and didn't have the same energy to play with small kids that they had in their mid-20s with me. Her experiences with them largely involved going places that would have cost too much when I was that small, but didn't require them to be quite as hands-on. I think we both had excellent childhoods, and I don't think either was innately better or worse. I just wanted to throw that out there though as what the kid's experiences are based on how old their parents are when they're born to give you an idea of what that impact is.

anothergoodbook · 2020-10-31T09:57:33+00:00

My only advice is to enjoy being together alone while it lasts. I felt the same way (granted I am older than you) but after about 2 years w my husband I couldn’t think straight. I was baby obsessed. Well, now I’m pregnant due in 1.5 months and I’m terrified. I wake up at night feeling nervous that things won’t be the same with my husband when the baby comes. And it probably won’t ever be the same.

I worry my freedom will be gone. That this baby will take all of my energy. And supposedly this is common in pregnancy-to wake up at 3am and worry.

My husband doesn’t want much sex anymore because I have a butternut squash attached to my stomach. I had a terrible case of gas tonight and I was moaning and crying and I’m sure he was turned off. Pregnancy isn’t very sexy-at least not this late in the game. I thought it would be bliss and I was sooo wrong. And it’s just going to get harder when this baby is actually here.

Basically, I wish I enjoyed my marriage for a teeny bit longer before getting pregnant. I miss all the sex and being able to sleep through the night without worrying about the change this baby will bring.

SnooOwls4703 · 2020-11-02T20:53:10+00:00

I feel like you guys can do all that stuff if have a baby sooner. And if you guys get married 3 years down the line instead, I think you would be able to still save. The most expensive part about having a baby is literally daycare cost... so if you a stay at home mom, that'll help. Plus if you have one baby now, like next year... in three years you can have another kid and the age gap would be perfect. I don't think it matters but if you know you are wanting to have kids, waiting is going to be so annoying lol I can just feel it.

Title	How to enjoy the wait to have kids and get married?
Author	fullmooninleo
Upvotes	9
Comments	10
Date	October 31, 2020 9:04 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/jlf83w/how_to_enjoy_the_wait_to_have_kids_and_get_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-enjoy-the-wait-to-have-kids-and-get-married.327393 https://theredarchive.com/post/327393

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