At the end of the day, when you take "social inventory" and you realize you are pretty much completely alone how do still push for improvement?

topapito · 2017-02-25T05:28:59+00:00

Whatever it is you are doing, you're either doing it wrong, or you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Being alone is not bad. You're acting like being alone is the end of life. It is where life begins. Learning to be alone seems to be the first thing you need to master.

You sound to me like a puppy who chases after friends and is later disappointed he can't get any. You're all over the place holding out your hand for anyone to take hold of it and dance kumbaya with you. This is not how you do it.

How you do it. Learn to be alone. STOP looking for outside gratification and approval. Be your own friend. Go to the movies alone until you're comfortable. Go to restaurants alone until you're comfortable doing it. Start doing shit alone, gym, walking, reading, cleaning. Whatever you learn to do alone becomes yours to control.

How can you expect anyone to want to spend time with you when you don't want to spend time with yourself?

Edit: a wrod

Auphor_Phaksache · 2017-02-25T04:32:36+00:00

Realzie that the larger your circle the less shit you get done. Back when I partied that's really all I did. Even getting girls I was still a bum. Got rid of dead weight and I'm much more productive l.

MrTyler_Durden · 2017-02-25T04:22:43+00:00

You were born into this world alone and you will leave this world alone. You are essentially alone yes. Enjoy it. Enjoy being single and living for you and having sex with hot chicks. Get a dog. I spend all day with my dog.

Certifiedfamilylaw · 2017-02-25T04:38:23+00:00

I push for improvement because when I more fully understand the world it appears larger and more complicated with more aspects to consider. Its life man and it almost always changes

KettleLogic · 2017-02-25T07:38:39+00:00

sounds like your "alpha" is making you undesirable to be around. being alpha doesn't mean standing over people. It's just about not letting them stand over you.

everyone can make friends. read into interpersonal skills

[deleted] · 2017-02-25T07:51:08+00:00

You have to provide people something that they want, otherwise it is always charity (unless you are talking about family or friends you've known forever...and even still this probably applies in muted form). Something they want can be defined in many ways including your own presence, your social proof, your killer parties....you just have to find an in.

recursoinominado · 2017-02-25T14:16:22+00:00

Don't get me wrong, bro, telling this from a place of love, but check your vibe first. We all have a "vibe" that other people feel unconsciously, they are repelled or drawn by it. If you are a generally positive person, not needy, people are automatically drawn to it. Read about it. Pm me if you want to know more.

[deleted] · 2017-02-25T04:31:53+00:00

Choose your friends based on shared interests and then organize times to do those shared interests with them. It can take a while to build up a decent social circle. Keep at it.

[deleted] · 2017-02-25T06:34:18+00:00

Identify your non-social, non-status desires.

Identify the things that bother you in your everyday life.

Attack them. Figure out how to change those things for the better.

If you learn something, being able to share that knowledge is social capital. You might also figure out who exactly you do need in your life, and who you don't.

randarrow · 2017-02-25T09:37:56+00:00

I think you are mixing up levels of social improvement. You're focusing on results rather than improvement. You are improving socially (effort) when you work out, clean, work on hobbies, net worth, side hustles..... You are improving socially (achievment) when you get reaponses, get invites, etc...

If you are not improving socially (achievment) improve socially (effort).

How do you keep doing this (motivation), focus on improving socially (effort) on things you enjoy. How do you keep doing this (achievement) just keep at it.

TehJimmyy · 2017-02-25T09:57:25+00:00

You realise this correctly. Now learn to be alone

midnightrequest · 2017-02-25T13:20:11+00:00

People are attracted to power. Don't focus on people or how they view you but focus on your own success. As you find success in whichever endeavour you sink your teeth into, people will sense it and readjust. If you're in college focus more on your grades and long term financial future than small shit. I'm not saying be a complete asocial but if you are for the time being, don't sweat it.

smirk_addict · 2017-02-25T15:59:46+00:00

I love being alone. It makes it so much easier to judge what value people add to my life when i'm not so desperate to be around them. Equivalent exchange. It makes friendships and relationships better. It makes it easier to speak your mind when you feel disrespected or bothered by something. It makes you fun to be around because you are own best friend and can make the most out of any interaction. It's because you are always finding ways to entertain yourself. It makes your connections with people more meaningful. You'd be able to speak passionately and honestly about things, and hold firm to beliefs. People will see you are someone that respects yourself, and they will in turn respect you.

It sounds like you've never been through anything where you truly had to believe in your self.... where you had to make right some shit inside of you and just weather the storm..

Life never stops dude. It doesn't matter how many people like you or know you. There is a world in your own head that is yours alone and you need to learn to embrace that and see it as a plus. And when your life ends, it doesn't matter if you are surrounded by loved ones are completely alone in the woods. You go alone. Embrace that shit. Don't run from it. You are all you got.

Shyrk · 2017-02-25T16:38:06+00:00

Because you're wasting your time "pretending" instead of actively cultivating a lifestyle that leads to your own improvement. People probably think you're a douchebag. And from what you're describing, they're probably right.

mrpoopistan · 2017-02-25T15:42:14+00:00

You sometimes get that sobering realization that no one really gives a fuck about you

I have an internal locus of control. Literally all you meat sacks could die, and mostly I'd just be happy for the quiet.

That's the challenge you're up against. You need validation from others.

Title	At the end of the day, when you take "social inventory" and you realize you are pretty much completely alone how do still push for improvement?
Author	plasticslug
Upvotes	36
Comments	25
Date	February 25, 2017 4:14 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5w29xp/at_the_end_of_the_day_when_you_take_social/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/at-the-end-of-the-day-when-you-take-social.357 https://theredarchive.com/post/357

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