So I’ve realized that a huge problem I have within myself is that I mostly try to avoid conflicts and not get into an argument with people even if I am the right one. I get this feeling of anxiousness and just go numb with my emotions, basically try to play it off as cool in public eye by laughing or changing the subject. Even with friends although it’s much less , I realized that I minimize any type of heated arguments with them, I’m not talking about stupid arguments like who’s better in that sport or such, I’m talking about serious ones.

I thought this had to do with me caring about people’s opinions too much, but then again this also happens with random strangers. For example, someone in the club would cut the line in front of me and try to play it off cool and I avoid arguing with him even though I’m pissed and anxious af. Even something like having to confront someone who’s being too loud above my apartment. Things like these gives me so much anxiety, and I basically pussy out of it. The funny thing I am by no means skinny, I lift a lot, I’m strong enough to defend myself but it seems like I lose coherence in my speech when I get into arguments like this, it’s like I don’t know how to even construct sentences properly because of the built up anger inside of me.

So how do I get over this feeling, I’m lifting, reading, on my purpose but still don’t deal face on with conflicts.