Summary: Beta, borderline-Omega male acting as the sole benefactor for a female Twitch.tv streamer in order to 'impress' her finds out through a third party site that she is (obviously) disturbed by his behavior, finally grows a pair in his own unique way before returning back to the pedestal worshiping mentality.

Hello friends!

It has been a while. After losing everything I worked so hard to gain from my money to my vehicle, home, and temporary usage of my right arm back in December, I've finally entered the real world again after a long hiatus of self-reflection and growing up. Moved to a new city, have been working a real entry level career position while making notes of every entrepreneurial opportunity that has come along, started to capitalize on a few, and have devoted a good deal of my free time away from the video game vice and towards writing a novel about my lengthy adventure that cost me everything, since entertainment is everything in America, and if you find a way to appeal to the masses, you have the easy route towards becoming rich.

But enough about me, this has to do with what I stumbled upon while taking a stroll through the Hearthstone subreddit after work this fine evening, and how it serves as a perfect example of why we are all here, along with a small handful of take home messages and a great helping of humorous cringe. Without further ado, this gem was posted a few months back in response to someone making a post bitching about graduating college on the TIFU sub:

"You could always try being a twitch streamer. I got 17 thousand dollars in inheiritance from my grandmother a couple years ago and one of my hobbies was finding random streamers to shower with cash out of nowhere. I've learned though that it's best just to do it randomly to someone who seems cool then move on like Mary Poppins, if you get a crush on a woman and think you can buy her heart you're going to have bad time.

It's a bit like when there was this cute earthy college student who mostly streamed Hearthstone that I used to watch obsessively and I eventually worked up the nerve to stop lurking and join chat (I broke the ice with a 500 dollar donation) and after a slow start I found my groove and started riffing off of everything she said and kind of became something of an Ed Mcmahon to her Carson. I'm only 32 but am pretty much an 80's guy at heart and I'd need to send her about a dozen wikipedia articles and youtube links a day so she'd get all my references haha. Anyhow one of her many quirks was how she'd take tinynibbles of food whenever she ate on stream and I'd playfully tease her about how she was half rabbit. It became what I thought was a beloved inside joke in chat and I made a couple fun compilation vids of her eating crossed with clips from the bucky o'hare show and watership down that synced up with her. I even payed 400 dollars for a pixel art gif of her as reader rabbit (which she played on stream once) nibbling away.

I'm not going to lie, I thought she loved the joke just as much as I did and I even had the gif artist do up a pic of us as rabbit bride and groom on top of a wedding cake (this was something to have in my back pocket 3 years down the line well after we started dating, don't worry I wasn't crazy folks) when I googled her old WOW, neopets etc. nickname she used as a teenager and sometimes used for reddit accounts etc. today and it was a post on a female streamers forum about how there was a guy in her chat who was cool at first but was starting to get way too obsessive and was starting to dominate the conversation and drive other people away and how upset and conflicted she was because he seems really nice and well meaning and doesn't realize how uncomfortable he was making her and everyone else, she has a brother who has aspergers so she's seen this kind of thing before and wants to know how best to gently suggest to him he tones it down without hurting his feelings.

She then talked about how it's extra awkward because he's basically been allowing her to make rent the last few months with donations but it's to the point where it's not worth trying to make a living streaming if it means having to deal with him everyday.

The transition to feeling on top of the world (I'd just spent 4 hours straight fapping to what I thought was our ineveitable honeymoon) to like human garbage was dramatic and I almost threw up, but just cried myself to sleep instead. The main thing is that she was happy and like Jorah with Daenerys I needed to leave her be. I still lurked of course and watched her stream 5 hours a day until of course the end of the month came around and from her comments on financial advice reddits new she was getting desperate and she started "nonchalantly" noticing my absence and saying "malgoll" where are you? Someone needs to start putting his pictures on milk cartons man haha..."

There's a particular streamer I knew she strongly disliked who was pretty much the opposite of her in every way, my crush was a lot like Felicia day and this woman was pretty the archetype of the intimidating "fps chick." This woman also ended up dating a male streamer she had a massive crush on and she pretty much saw her as being the opposite of all the insecurities she had about herself.

Anyhow it was pretty glorious to lurk in her chat and see her reaction when it blew up with people going "holy shit! Malgoll just donated 700 dollars to fpschick!" just the look of utter confusion on her face would have broken my heart if I didn't know how duplicitous she truly was. She ended up pm'ing me "what's going on, what did I do?" but after sending screenshots of all her forum posts I almost didn't want to include our wedding picture and truly make her live with regret for the rest of her life after realizing I saw her as wife material. We've both moved on, she finally started streaming again and has a job in the gaming industry and I think I've finally found my future wife who I'm going to spend my remaining inheiritance on but its still tragic to realize that the one real shot at true love either of us will probably have in our lives was ruined by something as silly as poking fun at how a person nibbles their food." -Reddit User

Just let this sink in: this is far and away not a unique case (albeit, Twitch.tv likely attracts this behavior more than anywhere else on the internet lately, but hey, serious props to the lazy women who are doing what they need to do to survive without resorting to masturbating in front of a camera. Glad they found such an easy exploit to the system.). Now I'm aware that Twitch.tv is basically the best place to take advantage of beta males out there: people pay you to do what you were going to do anyways just so that they can watch you do it. It combines the absolute worst sides of the individuals who watch television all day and the people who play videogames all day, and rolls it into one sweet little endorphin-releasing desert that's just a click away. This is, in and of itself, infinite priceless humor, but like any form of entertainment, should probably be avoided unless you are the one creating it if you want to stay on top in the modern world as a man.

So let's analyze what we can take away from this, shall we? I'm sure most of this is painfully obvious to many of you by now, but I've been away for a while so I'm using this as a writing exercise while still adhering to this lovely site's own rules, while still keeping it learning-friendly for any new users. Mostly just wanted to share it for the humor though, but I digress.

Lessons learned:

1. Don't be stupid with your money. Here's an example of a man-child (32 years old) who just received some free income, and rather than investing it wisely or even simply saving it, decides not to just blow it, but blow it on women who are giving him absolutely nothing in return. This is a big NO.

2. Don't hesitate. It might be a virtual media, but regardless of circumstance, if you are interested in a woman, don't beat around the bush. Take charge of a situation and be straightforward. Sure, in this case its Twitch and female streamers are used to this type of behavior, but at the very least if you want a real shot, do something to stand out from the crowd of horny teenagers without spending a dime. Worst case scenario (outside of the ever-present rape/assault charge, I advise any man at least work on cleaning up a little bit before heading out into the world of women), you end up right where you started.

3. Don't grow attached, its a sign of dependence and weakness. My favorite quote of late is that men are islands and women are birds. You can only do everything in your power to make your island the absolute best around, and if you do you will have more birds than you know what to do with, but you sure as hell can't keep them there, as they can and will fly away if they spot a better island. In this case, we see our failing hero not only getting attached, but getting attached to something he doesn't even really have. I'm physically ill already.

4. This is obvious, and ties into #3, but DON'T STALK. The only even remotely acceptable time to be prying that hard into another individual's life is if you strongly suspect cheating, but at that point you should instead just trust your gut, assume you are correct, and walk away long before it reaches that point. It prevents you from being the one who loses in the frame of that relationship and allows you to keep form, even in the most difficult of situations. Not to mention, she'll probably try crawling back anyways. Don't take the bait, you're off to bigger and better things. I digress. In this case, we see the obvious cyber stalking and obsessiveness, which lead to said female streamer making the post on the forum he stumbled upon.

5. Women will hamster to justify their actions. This is my favorite part of the story, since its a great example of even the most beta of men being able to notice a woman experiencing some textbook, classic hamstering. In this tale, our hero notices a post about himself this young girl made. But did she straight up say "This guy is a creep and I want him to go away, how do I do that?" Abso-fucking-lutely not. No no, she wants him to simply "tone it down;" as in, 'please keep giving me money and paying my rent, but stop neckbearding so loud, even I can only handle so much pedestal before I have to vent.'

6. No matter where you fall on the Beta-Alpha scale, take pride in yourself and your worth, continue to improve, and most importantly: Never, ever backpedal once you are out of a bad situation. Too many times does a man finally leave a bad situation as a provider (which is exactly what our Beta hero was here for this girl, even if he wasn't getting all the usual perks of being one such as: once a month sex, losing half your belongings when you finally separate, and my personal favorite, children! [and of course the additional drain they put on you and your payroll as additional mouths to feed.]), only to find himself in the age-old predicament: he became so beta-fied that no one else wants him, but before he can change, the old woman in his life misses the money, wants it back, and tries to rope him back in with every means possible (your heartstrings can and will be pulled at). Just remember, the show she'll put on gets significantly more funny the longer you wait it out. Its like a whole rainbow of crazy.

Regardless, props to our hero by the end of the story for... uhhhh... ummm... doing the twitch.tv stalker equivalent of fucking his ex's rival/competition/best friend (since that's how women seem to be most of the time in the real world) and not giving a fuck about it before moving on to a new... girlfriend...? Yeah. Let's go with that.

Enjoy.