Summary

not just all women, but all people are like that.

Body

There's a lot of, let's just call it, flack, that flies around here, describing the "realities" of women.

This is a reminder that not just "all women are like that", but rather, "all people are like that", including you, and everyone around you.

This is straight from Robert Greene's book "Mastery". Other than the list of traits, I'm paraphrasing and summarizing; not quoting verbatim from the book.

The Seven Deadly Realities

  • Envy
  • Conformism
  • Rigidity
  • Self-obsessiveness
  • Laziness
  • Flightiness
  • Passive Aggression

People hide these traits because they are seen as ugly and undesirable; but reveal them just at the right moment to screw you over.

It's not that every one of us has all of these traits. These traits exist in all people at varying degrees. Some people will have some traits in high enough doses to make them dangerous.

If the manifestation of these traits catches you in a surprise, you might panic and react in a way that makes things worse. You should understand these traits and know how to avoid triggering them.

Envy

Most people suppress their envy because it's an unpleasant emotion. Some people have deep insecurities and can't suppress their envy. These people will work to sabotage you, all the while finding a socially acceptable reason to do so. They will never admit to their envy, even to themselves. They might even be overly friendly. This makes their envy hard to detect.

To avoid triggering people's envy, appear more human. Don't flaunt your successes too much. Show some weaknesses. Show interest in other people's work, ask them for advice even. Don't make people feel stupid in your presence. Self-deprecating humor works.

Although Greene never phrased it this way but I think the lesson is: show humility, not hubris.

Conformism

Any group of people will tend to acquire some kind of a mentality and a set of values. People from the outside threaten this identity because they call into question the group's core values.

Observe how members tend to show a strong display of certain opinions that run deep within the group.

In the early phase, don't be loud. Don't show your differences. Pretend to adhere to the set rules. Be subtle. Let your work speak for itself.

People don't like to think of themselves as conformists. If you sin against this reality, they will find some other, seemingly legitimate reason to sabotage you.

Rigidity

People will follow established procedures simply because they have been doing so for so long. Some people are hyper rigid. The more logic and rationality you present for your new ideas, the harder the resistance you will meet. It's futile and a waste of time to try and convince them.

Now again, Greene does not mention this but I think your best option is to go with your new ideas on your own.

We see this in the software industry all the time. You can't convince established companies to change their ways. Instead, people found new companies and implement their radical ideas. When they prove successful, many others follow their example. Until a point is reached where established companies are faces with two choices: adapt to the new realities or go extinct.

Self-obsessiveness

Everyone is concerned first and foremost about their own self interest, but we hide this because it does not look good and noble.

People who are the most self-absorbed will surround their actions with a high moral aura and make a show of righteousness.

If you try to appeal to their morality or sense of gratitude when asking for help, they will turn you down. Because it was never about morality in the first place. You should appeal instead to their self-interest.

Laziness

Some people can be so lazy, they would rather steal your work because it will save them time and money. They invite you to collaborate on a project where you do most of the work and they take most of the credit. (This is unavoidable during your apprenticeship period and should be accepted as such).

Your best line of defense is to be prudent. Figure out ahead of time what you will gain from any given arrangement.

Example case: Software Engineers get played by a business man to build his product for free | Archieved link. (Long read).

Perhaps me stealing right out of Greene's book could also be an example of this laziness. Instead of coming up with useful original content, I can just use Robert Greene's book!

Flightiness

People are governed largely by their emotions, even though they like to appear as rational creatures. As their emotions fluctuate, so do their words. They make a promise one day then back out of it the next.

Don't rely on people's words and don't take them seriously. Focus on their actions. They tend to be more consistent and better reflect their nature.

Don't rely on people to be there for you. Rely only on yourself.

Passive Aggression

People don't like direct confrontations. They use subtle indirect attacks to get their way while remaining in control of the dynamic.

If you feel yourself in a confusing situations, where someone is not doing their part but somehow you feel guilty, you are mostly likely dealing with passive aggression.

Avoid it like the plague, or fight back with another passive-aggressive attack so the attacker learns to avoid you. In either case, don't get yourself emotionally invested in the drama.

Conclusion

See people for what they are. Don't look at the world via rose colored glasses. Neither women nor men conform to any preconceived notions you have about what constitutes a good person.