When I was in AIT in the Army, I developed a crush on a red-headed soldier, but when I got to my first unit, I was told by a female friend that she wanted me to let her be.

After I cried, I became depressed, and then I became obsessed with trying to figure out how attraction works.

I got myself a copy of 'How to Become an Alpha Male' by John Alexander. In retrospect, that's the only book I should have gotten.

However, by the time I got to my second duty station in Fort Sill, OK, influences from peers led to frequenting a strip club. Lap dances aren't cheap; instant sexual gratification can lead to spending a heck of a lot more than you'll be okay with in the morning.

Before I knew it, I also began buying into a ton of ebooks on dating. After I got an ebook on texting from Love Systems, the same company called me when I was on leave to get me interested in attending one of their pick-up artist training courses.

In retrospect, I should have declined and said I don't have the budget for it. However, it was my mission at the time to find a loyal romantic partner. I ended up paying for a weekend-long in-person training course for day game and night game.

Here's the kicker: It was in San Francisco, California. I actually tried to drive all the way from Fort Sill, Oklahoma, to San Francisco, California.

Here's the other kicker: On the way there, I actually did pause at a rest stop and TRIED to sleep. I TRIED, but sleep wasn't happening. Because sleep wasn't happening, I ended up continuing to drive that night, until I DID shut my eyes, but it caused me to lose control, veer left and right for a few seconds, and crash into a ditch.

Thankfully, a good Samaritan helped me to find the rest of my way to the PUA course and back to Fort Sill.

However, my car was totaled, my insurance rates were crazy high for a while, and my mutual fund was sabotaged; I had basically spent the last significant chunk of it on that PUA course from Love Systems. For what? Getting women, or trying to.

These life experiences, as well as recent posts on r/MGTOW, are making me say:

Fuck it all; I'd rather become financially independent!