Hey guys, I'd like to say thanks to the community. TRP has turned my life into a better one during the last year and I have never been more content with it than now. I decided return something to the comunity with my field report of my almost 2 year long struggle. I am 29 years old and from Germany - English is not my first language.

 

My story: My fiance left me 2 years ago after 10 years of a (I would say) quite successful relationship. 8 months before the set marriage date she went for a semester abroad. During this period I turned completely beta. Texted her every day that I could not live without her and that she is the most important thing im my life. Shortly before she came back I already realized that something was wrong. She did not want to admit it but she was not into me any more so finally I had to cancel the wedding and I kicked her out in the end.

 

After that I was completely devastated, almost hit rock bottom by alcohol abuse and looked for a quick replacement because I could not stand being alone after that long period of time in a relationship. Funny thing is that I had my shit together before she went on the trip. I was lifting, running marathons, had a good job (software engineer) and had the power in our relationship (I was tired of her drama so I had a proper IDGAF attitude).

 

My first attempts of approaching girls / dating were very lame and I behaved super beta on any dates I went. I simply had no success except from a pity fuck with a girl that I orbited quite long.

 

But then I found TRP last year which really changed my life. After reading the sidebar, The Rational Male, 48 laws of power, NMMNG and some other recommended books I had so many aha moments I even cant count them anymore. I realized that I raised to behave like a beta and I always looked for validation by other people. I guess another problem is that my parents never gave me any validation at all so I tried to find it elsewhere.

 

After reading the material I overreacted a bit and behaved like an asshole for a certain period of time. But this normalized and I learned to set boundaries, maintain frame and say "no" more often. Of course I slipped back to my old behaviour many times but in the long run I gradually got better. Additionally to the reading I started with mindfullness (via the headspace app) which helps me very much (I ruminated way too often) and joined salsa classes which is real fun btw. Furthermore I experimented with NoFap (this can really bring some beneftis, especially if you fapped multiple times every day, just cut it down to 1-2 times a week) and read much about stoic philosophy which helped me to stop seeking for outside validation.

 

During the last 3 months I experienced real improvement. I am way more respected by women and coworkers than ever. The male coworkers shit test me very hard by mentioning my height (1.70m) very often but I learned not to care anymore (in the beginning I was very devastated by my "shortness"). I am currently spinning two plates which works quite well and does not even require that much effort to maintain. One of them is 1.85m so short guys, do not give up ;)

 

I have a very positive outlook on life now and will continue improving. If anyone had told me that I would be that happy 2 years ago I simply would not have believed him. Especially Rollo's age/SMV graph gives me hope for a even better future, I guess the best times are still to come!

 

Lessons learned / main points:

  • You can recover after being dumped. Even after 10 years of LTR
  • Swallowing the pill takes time and consistency
  • You will slip, but dont let this get you down
  • Mindfulness brought real benefits
  • Stop drinking