Here is some background -
I work in private equity so i have to put in around 60-65 hrs a week and my wife is a Pharmacist and works 40-45 hrs a a week . Before the marriage we had discussed about this and we decided it would be better if we both work after marriage and share childcare and household duties evenly . She was always driven and ambitious , this is what attracted me to her. We had our daughter 19 months after marriage and her maternity leave was for 4 months . During her leave i talked to her about returning to work but she was fine with . During the last few weeks of her maternity leave she expressed her desire to be a stay at mom until the kids are in school . I have problems with this because i want to spend around the same time that my wife spends with the child . Even when we both work i spend less time with my daughter because i work longer hours . She says she is fine with doing most of the child care duties when she stays home but i want to be a part of the child's life . If she does majority of child care and in the future something unfortunate happens and we decide to get a divorce she will get full custody .
We have been fighting almost everyday over this . So i suggested that she works part time and i get a less demanding job where i will have to work no more than 35 hrs a week . She doesn't like this idea because we will only make enough to pay the bills and we would have almost no savings if we go with my plan . She even said that she will quit her job and stay home , so i told her i will divorce her if she does something like that . Recently i have been thinking about divorcing her .
Just be clear please don't ask me to do what she wants because i will never consider her being a SAHM and me working full time.
My wife of 2 years wants to be a stay at home mom , but i want her to continue working after maternity leave.
**TL;DR; : My wife of 2 years wants to be a stay at home mom , but i want her to continue working after maternity leave
Just be clear please don't ask me to do what she wants because i will never consider her being a SAHM and me working full time . What do you guys think i should do? **.
[–]BiteMeMods31 points32 points33 points (5 children) | Copy Link
Poor dude is getting bashed in that thread. I feel for the guy, they had a plan and the woman basically said fuck you I want to sit on my ass all day,
[+][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]BiteMeMods16 points17 points18 points (3 children) | Copy Link
The dudes a champ though, already talking about divorcing her ass and getting split custody of the child.
[–]jaydeandturk 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
Divorce may be the only way for him to get her to go back to work(she will have to).
Welcome to being a man. And you can see no one will care or have any sympathy for him just look at comments.
[–]BiteMeMods3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
All those comments ticked me off. They amounted to saying, 'Um sweaty snukums, your wife can do whatever she wants and it is your job to agree and support her.'
[–]MGTOWmb16 points17 points18 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Unfortunately this guy didn't wake up soon enough.
Notice how the woman agreed with what he wanted until they passed the point of no return. She sprung her trap and nowt she's letting who she really is show. She now holds all the cards and can use that guy's daughter as leverage if he doesn't play ball.
Don't cohabitate, don't marry, and don't have kids or you'll end up like this poor sap: He's either going to work 60 hours a week to support a family he will eventually resent and that will resent him or he's going to get divorced and still end up supporting his ex and daughter that will grow to resent him (but at least now he can work less hours and live in poverty).
[–]Binary_Forex0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Not really. She is currently making 80% of what he does and has not quit. He already filed, and the relationship is under the time required for alimony. He is ejecting before he is in a trap that will hurt him vs. a small ding. She can still sting him by dropping to part time and waiting 'til alimony would kick in. But it appears by her/his reactions that he probably wont trust her taking the compromise. He seems pretty on it to me.
[–]VenetianCares 12 points13 points14 points (2 children) | Copy Link
not wanting to work more and make more money for your wife is considered a HUGE insult to them. even if its to see your kids more or to "enjoy your life". they see you as a tool, not as a person.
[–]EfficientSpeaker[S] 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Exactly . The wife's happiness matters nore than the husbands health.
[–]VenetianCares 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
the cut throat nature of hypergamy wasn't as evident to me until i really noticed this trend, and yet we see it so much with men in this sub who had marriages. i also see it with my friends. if something happens to the husband as a worker or source of protection, then the wife loses all interest, cause the man is no long protecting her or providing with her. like a man marries a woman and she gets paralyzed, most men will stay with her. if a man gets paralyzed, the woman will usually leave cold heartedly and get a replacement beta bux. just how they operate. pretty crazy some of the examples of it.
[–]FedoraMGTOW10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
This is why you never let the terrorist in your home in the first place.
[–]117587219X1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
🤣
[–]truthserum2310 points11 points12 points (3 children) | Copy Link
He's already fucked no matter what he chooses. Work less and she will divorce him and get the kid and support. Work the same or more and he will resent her, divorce her and she'll get the kid and support. Another brick in the wall.
[–]EfficientSpeaker[S] 9 points10 points11 points (2 children) | Copy Link
Actually in one of his comments he siad he has decided to file for divorce , he was also talking about the risks . He wants to end the marriage as soon as possible to dodge alimony payments.
[–]truthserum230 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea, he certainly dodged a bullet there, but not all of them. Alimony probably wouldn't have been for too long judging by what seems to be a relatively short marriage. But he's on the hook for child support and we all know how imprecise that system is.
[–]Unthotful8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Briffaults law is very real. That was the hardest part of swallowing the red pill for me- women have no bank of good will where you can prepay with good deeds. Every interaction is brand new and starting from scratch, unless it's something bad, they'll remember that forever.
[–]KneeDeepThought7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Pro tip dudes: even if she agrees to everything and promises to go back to work and you think the fight is over, it's not. She can just arbitrarily decide not to go back to work without your consent and you're FUCKED. At this point she's already established zero income and if you divorce her she gets support and alimony based on that. If you try to deny her access to your joint fund that's now financial abuse and can be used against you in divorce court to significantly increase her percentage take of your income.
This shit is real I promise you, I'm four years out of that trench warfare and it will fuck with my life for years yet to come.
[–]Binary_Forex2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Not in this case. This is what he is trying to prevent, so that is why his ultimatum is so strong.
[–]Kirby_gud_succ 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
A lot of the comments are bashing him :(