Everything here was supposed to disappear. Banned subreddits, deleted communities, cancelled blogs — much of what is archived here survives nowhere else.
It stays free — no paywall, no account — for the next man who comes looking, the way it was free for you.
I pay for the servers, the storage and the bandwidth myself. If you want this record still standing in ten years, become one of the people who keeps it online.
Support the archive
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]8017356 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PrinceRaj534 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
You deal with it by not allowing them to have any control over you.
Most guys will not learn this lesson until they've been through this particular clusterfuck, and saw what they should have done in the rear view mirror. This unfortunately only comes after they've played right into the hands of the manipulators, and essentially destroyed their own reputations by following the lead of those toxic people.
Really seems like there is a metric shit ton to this story that you're leaving out.
People generally start shit talking you for a specific reason. And that reason is because they have lost some sort of control over you, so they've got to change how other people view you. Because then, that's really the only control they have left over you.
They know that if they can start gossip and shit talking, it will make you upset and might elicit a reaction on your behalf. That is still a method of control. They are controlling you by proxy. They're still very much getting their smug satisfaction of knowing they are pulling your strings.
So what do you do when this happens? You laugh, bow to the absurdity, and move on. You rise up above it and do not let it drag you into the mud.
But you'll ask, "Well how do I defend myself if I don't try and deal with it?"
That's a valid question. If you're not in the mud slinging it back and viciously getting angry, demanding that everything she says about you is untrue... it's going to seem like you aren't defending yourself.
But the opposite is true.
You see, along with these rumors, they will typically sew some quiet accusations about your character. Things that they are hoping you will confirm for them. It won't be out in the open, she'll only tell people in small groups or one-on-one, likely over private means like text or something where you have no clue.
She'll say things like "Yea, he's definitely fake, and he blows up at the slightest little criticism"
So that when you do get angry and try to defend your character, you've played right into her trap. You've proven to other people that what she said about you is "true". And there you have it, she has that control over you yet again.
However, if you just politely nod and smile, giving everyone a "I know you'll figure it out for yourself" sort of look, with a sheepish grin, you'll start to sew your own narrative for them.
If you must comment, or if someone directly asks you... Then you need to inform them that you do not make a habit out of talking badly about other people, and your sorry if they have heard something that questions your integrity -then you close with letting them know you have the utmost confidence in their ability to believe what they see and not necessarily what they hear, and leave it at that.
You let them form their own opinions.
They'll keep hearing these nasty things about you, but every time they interact with you, they won't see it. They'll never see you being fake or getting angry, or anything else she accuses you of.... and they'll start to question why they were hearing those things when it's obvious you are not guilty of those accusations.
Some people will be a lost cause. Some people want to buy into drama for the sake of buying into it. Those people are worthless to you and you shouldn't waste any energy fretting about them.
Others, however, are capable of seeing through the bullshit and will eventually come around.
And this is precisely when you get your moment of revenge. The beautiful part is, you won't even have to do anything. All you've got to do is continue rising above the mud and being true to yourself, ignoring these toxic people.
Trust me here -this is where they start to lose their shit. When they can no longer control you, and then they can no longer even control what other people think about you..... they'll spiral down into a full blown path of self-destruction and misery. They'll try anything they can to get your attention and make you know they can do something to you.
But at each and every attempt, you just continue to smile and nod, not letting it effect you.
Before long, they'll start to even manifest physical symptoms of their misery and self-hatred. Often this shows up in ways like drastic changes to their appearance, obvious signs of not sleeping, abuse of drugs/alcohol, sometimes even a string of relationships they go through in a very short amount of time.
Eventually it will all lead up to them either A.) realizing they need to fuck off and bother someone else, or B.) going crazy and self-destructing their entire lives. More often than not it's the second path if they have focused any legitimate amount of energy on shit talking you.
Of course, this could be someone you barely know gossipping about you... in which case, ignoring her and moving on should largely make it stop, where she'll find another target.
But again, it sounds like you're leaving out a lot of details. If this was simply someone in your workplace that you didn't know very well or haven't interacted with... you probably wouldn't be so consumed by it that you come make a post here.
My money is on you likely having interacted with her previously in an attempt to get your dick wet, you two are closer (or were closer) than you admit, things went south between you -and since you tried to dip your pen in company ink, you're now dealing with the fallout at work.
I could be wrong.
[–]drago84522 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I would indeed. Toxic people are toxic people. It's been my experience that both men and women are capable of the same kind of manipulative controlling behaviors... but women are just more adept at it. They're more skilled and practiced.
Men tend to just confront one another directly instead of hiding in the shadows trying to control and manipulate you -but that doesn't mean they don't do it.
The more weak they are, the more prone they are to try this bullshit.
It's my opinion that the same strategy does indeed work. It's the same overall psychology. They're trying to control you, and when that doesn't work, they try to control the perception other people have of you. You take that away and the toxic person loses their damned minds.
I think the difference is, between the genders.... when you get to that end stage -women generally go a little insane trying to win the little psychological game, that they're losing terribly by this point... where men will get frustrated and just give up entirely. Female manipulators will start going to more and more extremes trying to get your attention, to let you know they still have some sort of control over you, while male manipulators will just get pissed off and walk away -often just calling you every sort of name in the book, even if by that point it makes them look terrible because nobody believes them any longer.
[–]drago84520 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]OsBornBR[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mgtowguy32 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DoctorZTheRockstar 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]shatterthecrystal631 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lonewolfsigmamgtow1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ahugebundleofsticks 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]misanthr0pe666 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Vaxel000 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FlyGuwop0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mrcleen5030 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link