There's a post that will be deleted by the time you read this one, because it was a personal question (literally had what do I do guys? in it) where some "friend" wants the guy's girlfriend to visit his home country, blah blah blah. Very typical story, sad, too.

The poster said:

I've messaged her (she's sleeping rn) stating my anger at this and how boundaries need to be set, I've told her it's unacceptable

If you don't see how you already lost, I'm just shaking my damn head.

I have said all this before, but apparently it needs to be said again.

 

1). Boundaries

You don't set boundaries, you have boundaries. Setting boundaries is weak, almost pleading for those around you (not just women) to not cross your boundaries, which you will then re-set.

Having boundaries is an authentic expression of the man you are. You don't need to talk about your boundaries, people know what they are. If some people are dense and honestly come too close to your boundaries, you correct them with a light touch.

There is nothing magical about boundaries; any person is free to cross them for whatever reason. Then they are rewarded with the absence of your attention and good graces. It's that simple.

 

2). Communication

That quote above is ripe with the wrong things to do. You don't talk about your boundaries, and you don't talk about your emotions.

What that poster effectively did was to tell his girlfriend how she got to him with her flirty behavior. Now she knows how to get to him any time she wants.

Stating that he is angry is NOT communicating to her that she should stop what she's doing. He is telling her I am a man who is not in control of my emotions and not in control of my woman. That is the message she is getting.

Saying babe, I need you to respect my boundaries is telling her I am a man who is not worthy of respect.

 

If you were worthy of respect, she would be respecting you. That is what she is thinking. She might not have realized it consciously, and you just made it verbal and overt. Now she knows.

 

tl;dr: When a woman crosses your boundaries and doesn't want to be corrected with a light touch, you need to realize that she isn't the only woman in the world; there are millions more out there.