...

After years of struggle, I'm in a position where I can finally say I am comfortable with myself. And if you thought I meant the whole 'be yourself' and 'be proud of who you are' cliché when I said what I said now, I'm afraid you're very wrong; I didn't mean that. Instead, I meant to imply that I'm comfortable with the fact that I'm in solitude and not engaging in deep social interactions.

All my life , I've been surrounded by people. I remember when I was a little kid how I would pop up in gatherings and become the center of attention. I loved people, I truly did. Growing up like this, I tried my everything to impress the people around me. I felt I could gain everyone's approval, and to my surprise, I did for some time. This was until I went to school. Then as scripted, reality started to kick in.

I remember in elementary school, used to be the kid who used to cry a lot. I got frustrated because back at home, I used to be handed everything and at school, I'd to fight to get what I want; this usually included making the team that the kid who brought a ball selected. I recall being pissed off because I wasn't usually chosen.

Though elementary school had its struggles, it wasn't that bad, rather, it was actually fun. My first real crisis came in middle school. I explicitly call this the 'middle school crisis'. To begin with, puberty began hitting at that time. And to my despair, it made me look like a half-dead ogre. Middle school was the time when we actually started looking at girls differently for the first time. It was the time when sitting with the cool kids was the greatest achievement. I've to admit, I didn't have much abilities going to middle school. The only thing I was actually good at were my grades. Sadly, middle school was the time when my grades were at the slump. It was also the time my relationship with my father was pretty rough. I was struggling to gain his approval and my slipping grades were not of much help.

Although middle school was the first time I had a crisis, it was also the first time I had an epiphany. This was what had me going through junior high. It was the first time I stopped looking up to anybody. The only problem with this was that I wasn't all too friendly with people and that gave birth to the thought of being lonely.

Now I'm almost done with my senior year in high school. When the year started, I was all hyped up because, hey, it's our last year. I thought I could make unforgettable memories that'll go on till the very end. But things didn't go as planned. Naturally, I was the type of guy who would jump from tables to tables because I had lots of friends, at least I thought I had. See, the problem started when I felt like I had lost a sense of belonging in that place. I was in a handful of groups, but I wasn't really in any of them. I felt like I was invisible, a see-through. This kind of ticked me off for a while. So I took some time to reflect on what I've been. Then it hit me ; I've been hiding some of me to be in those groups. I tried my best to be part of the massive herd that'd been crafted by the system of society. I figured I've been going in people's way, not mine.

This realization had me thinking of ways to get out of this mediocre trend that'd been set as a code of instruction for the society by default . The first one was to realize who the people around me were. To my surprise, I realized most of the people I thought who were my friends were not really my friends. By that, I don't mean they were my enemies either. Instead, they were just people passing by. And the greatest mistake I'd made was to take them seriously. This prompted me to look even deeper, and I realized I'd a few persons who were actually close to me. Still looking deep I came to conclude that there were less than a handful of people who I could actually trust with things. These were the kind of people who would actually say no to you; they were the ones who had guts to leave you some space so that you would deal with your own issues, but be around in case you needed help. Through time, I understood even most people of your family were merely people who carry the similar genetic features with you, and closeness with someone related to you actually resulted from similar values.

As I reached these conclusions, I was able to put them into action. This comprehension made me embrace rejections and give out some when necessary. Slowly and gradually, I was able to cut myself out of the excessive social lifestyle I'd engaged myself in for all my life.

Yes, I had people who I trust more than ever, but that was not enough. When we came to this world, we came alone. We're souls trapped in single bodies. Thus, all of us have our own problems. From this, I figured I needed to spend more time with myself and on myself. This truly made me feel free; it made me feel free as though I was chained. Indeed I was. I had been chained to society's cruel ways. It was satisfying to see me change and move forward in life. . I finally felt like I was a man, not just any man, but a MAN GOING HIS OWN WAY.