I sit here on my patio, chain smoking home rolled Kentucky's Best and letting the liquor do a bit of thinking. Abnormal for me as I usually only drink maybe once a year but the everclear and cranberry juice was calling my name.

Some backstory seems to be in order.

I am in what was, until a few weeks ago, a wonderful relationship with an incredibly sweet girl. I would be full on MGTOW if it wasnt for her and I will be if it doesn't work out. She is an incredibly virtuous, giving, and empathic 19 year old girl and I am a fairly well off, what you guys would probably call a "Chad" at least in looks, 24 year old man. 6'3, pale blue eyes, two foot wide shoulders, the works. Maybe unnecessary but possibly necessary (for attraction context) I am a pretty incredible singer, guitar, and piano player. I have always shared this with romantic interests in my life as it makes them swoon. She swoons all the same.

We have been seeing each other a few months now and it had been perfect until recently. She had been doing everything she could to see me, a bit of a challenge as I have a slightly hectic work schedule, great conversations almost every night over the phone that I really looked forward to, etc. She is a virgin and has vowed to remain so until marriage. This was a bit of a mind fuck to me considering Ive never had a girl who didnt sleep with me the first night we had together. It is a very nice change from what I am used to and not a challenge for me as I bought some toys to use on each other and ease the burden (fleshlight and bullet vibrator). I will pause the story here to inform you, spend the 60$ fleshlights are fucking awesome.

I have seen the correlation between a woman's sexual partners and their divorce rate and so I told myself "no hymen, no diamond" and had given up on marriage considering its impossible to find a girl over 15 who is a virgin nowadays. This was always a bit crushing to me as I have an incredibly strong desire to be a father, for both spreading my genes which I feel are more than worthy of proliferation, and to give a few little people the experience of my ideal parenting (see the works of Stefan Moleyneux for a grasp on it).

Back to the timeline. She has told me a few times that she has seasonal depression, an issue Im rather familiar with as my mom struggled with it, so it may just be the winter. Im really hoping it is. Anyway, she has barely talked to me the last three weeks and it has been two since I have seen her. I have tried to talk to her about it to no avail. Told her that I am here for her for whatever she needs, tried to talk her into living with me for a bit as she is always happy when with me. None of this has worked. Im waiting right now to receive a response, I probably wont receive a damn thing, to a message asking her which of her two jobs she is working at tomorrow so I can visit her and take her to dinner afterward.

The most fucked part is she had gotten a snap the other day from her friend of another friend with her ex, whom she dated from 13 to 18, and she described her emotional status to me as "destroyed". This hurt me terribly because she used to tell me all the time how much she loved me, now it being a fleeting occurence when we rarely talk.

It seems as though I am struck with oneitis, a condition I thought id never find myself in again after discovering TRP, MGTOW, and female nature. Nonetheless I am stricken with it all the same. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Dont hold damn thing back, a problem I am not too concerned with as we are anonymous on the internet but wanted to state anyway.

Five cigs and two heavy eveclear and crans deep I see no end in sight on this night.

Tldr; read the whole thing asshat. I always find these stories incredibly entertaining if nothing else.