You can only propose to me if you follow the rules... are you kidding me? Are they really trying to script that part too?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. We have been planning our engagement for a bit, and I had one big rule for the proposal and that was that he not involve anyone else in the proposal but us. I don't want to get too far into the backstory, but my ex husband essentially went behind my back to ask my parents for my hand, and I ended up forced into the marriage by pressure from him and my parents. My boyfriend knew this and definitely knew my rule because I asked him over and over not to include other people.

In spite of this, he decided to propose by first asking my children (from my first marriage) for permission and then included them in the actual proposal by having them hold up signs during the proposal. I wanted to be happy in the moment, but I was so hurt that he went against the one request I made.

I ended up taking him aside and asking him why he ignored what I asked of him. He told me it was different because they're my children and us getting married is their decision as much as it is mine and his. This really hurt me given that he knew how important my autonomy in the decision was to me. I told him I couldn't say yes to the proposal given the circumstances.

My children are furious with me and my oldest won't even speak to me. My friends called me selfish for not seeing the thoughtfulness in his proposal. I feel like no one is on my side, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm the problem. Am I an asshole for saying no to his proposal because he asked my children for permission and then included them?

Edit to add: thank you for your input. My boyfriend and I talked and he apologized for ignoring my boundary and for putting me in a bad situation. He sat down with my kids to explain everything. Hopefully things will get better, but the engagement is on hold for now because it is still tense.

Oh and to everyone who sent me PMs calling me a bitch and a cunt and whatever else, you can all bite me :)