Random thought about approach anxiety

Demonspawn · 2013-07-02T20:03:57+00:00

I propose a game I've been playing with my friends for a long time: Pickem.

Pick a friend, pick a line, and pick a girl he has to go say it to.

6-7 rounds of it and you will never have approach anxiety again. On top of that, you'll have tons of hilarious stories :)

chiffonade- · 2013-07-02T23:17:41+00:00

to me approach anxiety is like laundry anxiety

not fear, but i know i have a fucking load of dirty shit to wash and i know it's gonna be work.

Phyrd · 2013-07-02T19:40:32+00:00

Curious to see a response here.

I've never feared rejection, but more or less the judgement or awkwardness of a situation. I would easily approach women if the opportunity presented itself. However, I've been reading more about it and I'm noticing that better men will be able to make those opportunities rather than wait for them to arise.

I actually just finished a type up of my first cold approach, it lacks TRP material or I would have posted it. I wrote it to track my progress and see where I can improve.

GuitarHero07 · 2013-07-02T22:21:09+00:00

I'd be lying if I said that I still don't feel any approach anxiety. I still do but now it's not as crippling as it once was.

A lot of people suggest that a person suffering from AA visualize being successful. I actually found this method counterproductive.

I had more success imagining the worst case scenario to the point of absurdity. I walk up to a girl, she laughs her ass off at me and immediately pulls out her phone and updates FB and Twitter about what a loser I am. Then everyone in the surrounding area also starts laughing and updating their social media. Next thing you know, I'm all over the internet.

Once you realize how hilarious and irrational your fears really are, it's a lot easier to do an approach. The truth is even if you bomb it really badly, you'll be forgotten within a matter of hours tops.

[deleted] · 2013-07-02T23:59:33+00:00

One thing that stopped me from approaching was also the fear of public shame, a wall of hypothetical what ifs regarding the reaction of not only the girl but from the people around, a fear ingrained in me doe to a horrible childhood.

Anyway... as soon as i started to do cold approaches the first thing i noticed was that people actually root for you which is cool.

One of the first time i got the cold shoulder was from this girl on the bus stop, after my "hi" she looked me up and down and then looked away pretty coldly, then she get on her bus and left, the guy that was next to me said something like "damn what a cold bitch"(translated form spanish) and offered me a cigarette.

And one of the best ones was when I approached a stunning red head who was obviously foreign, after chatting her up and getting her info the group of people that where near and who had heard the interaction, all smiled and nodded, one of them gave me his card and invited me to the club he worked so i could take the girl.

The "fear" is till there in every approach, for that and every other reason, but after a while you no longer process that feeling like a "fear" but more like as excitement, you start to use it feed from it, and after a while start doing riskier things to get a dose of that "fear" in your every day life, and that what it's called been alive.

whiskey_bearfist · 2013-07-02T19:52:18+00:00

its definitely something i have struggled with. its entirely an internal mental condition though. i psyche myself out. one thing I have gotten better at is recognizing situations where women are making themselves more open to being approached intentionally.

i know that once i get past the initial awkwardness, i am comfortable and in my element. its just like a pool with cool water on a warm day. that first splash is a jolt, but then the waters fine. same thing, its more cold in your mind than in reality.

part of what has helped me is realizing i am an interesting person. i have traveled, have lots of somewhat unique experiences, i can make people laugh and feel good easily, i have special knowledge on certain cultures and topics of interest, and have an apparent insight into human behavior (thanks TRP/game!). most of the girls i meet at bars and such are kinda dull or boring to me. so i use that to make myself believe I come from a superior position and that I should be on a pedestal and that it will genuinely brighten their evening to have me and my friends chat them up.

as im sure you know. getting shot down and bombing, and just laughing it off is that good experience that one NEEDS to be great.

KilgoreTrouserTrout · 2013-07-03T15:55:36+00:00

There's no fear of the rejection itself, just failure to accomplish what I set out to do.

So you're still outcome-dependent. You gotta let go of that. It's all a numbers game. Hell, some of the most fun approaches are when you get blown out of the water, because you have a fun story to tell.

You shouldn't care about getting laid/escalating at all. A man who has abundance knows he's going to get laid anyway (either on this approach or one to follow), and simply does not give a fuck.

scottishredpill · 2013-07-02T20:00:20+00:00

Yes. In some ways I find it hard to approach. I find it easier to read IOIs and when a girl is clearly wanting me to approach, I will open a completely different set that hasn't shown any IOIs.

On Sunday I was at a bar, and I noticed a lovely brunette staring. I held the eye contact, she broke it, looked back. I stick my tongue out at her and she laughed then motioned to the empty seat next to her. Aaaand then I opened a completely different set next to me and never followed through the clearly easier option.

[deleted] · 2013-07-03T03:38:39+00:00

The way I see it, if you have outcome independence, then you genuinely have to not care. So when you do land a girl you're supposed to switch from not caring to suddenly caring(?) I can't turn off the 'not caring' part and would feel empty if I lost that type of empathy.

wakka54 · 2013-07-03T05:12:50+00:00

Wait, did you say what cured your anxiety? Which episode?

MockingDead · 2013-07-03T06:43:54+00:00

Being made an omega has advantages- what do you care if you are rejected?

Hell, being an omega means fuck it, make mistakes, what do you have to lose?

the_d3vils_advocate · 2013-07-03T07:24:48+00:00

I like to apply the 3 second rule and just go with whatever I can think up. Monday night had one were i walked into a bar got a drink spotted a girl who was with her lady friends approached them and said "how many alcoholics does it take to screw in a light bulb" (first thing that came to mind) and then walked off. Walked back to the bar and starting chatting up these 2 other girls I knew then a half hour passed and the girl suddenly approached me and asked me to finish the joke... Fast forward another half hour and we're making out about to leave the bar together. Screw approach anxiety, just get up and get it done. Be spontaneous!

[deleted] · 2013-07-03T12:53:04+00:00

My approach anxiety was massively reduced when I first went to university, which is also where I came into contact with Game. It was completely destroyed later when I started doing martial arts about five years ago for a number of reasons.

My friend, who introduced me to game, was very patient with my approach anxiety as he had felt it himself. He just said "you're not going to die/get hurt" and that “99% of the people in a place won’t even know you tried/failed”. He demoed this one night by walking up to a 3G set, and staying in till he got blew out. He stayed there even after that and continued to try, for a good few minutes at least. That was, until one of the girls shouted "just fuck off, we don't want to talk to you", right in his face. He came back grinning to me and said "well, I'm still alive". He then went on to pull later on, in the same place, proving that no one noticed/cared.

This might not be directly applicable to everyone else's mind-set, but when I do things that are really, genuinely difficult, or things that made me properly scared (such as my first pro MMA fight), you can look at scary issues in totally different lights.

I can sit back before an approach and say "well, I'm not being asked to sit in the horse-stance until my legs give way", or "at least she's not a 13st man that's been locked in a cage with me, and is trying to beat me". I suppose the martial arts have destroyed my ego somewhat, and it is the ego (masquerading as you) that will tell you not to approach to save it’s feels. If you have no fucks to give, this comes off as confidence... and, well, you don't care if you fail!

Also, as a last note, being success conscious and not failure conscious is a great way of getting over things that scare us. When we stop focussing (but obviously continue to look) at things that we did wrong, and focus on the things we did correctly, there’s a lot more optimism about the process. Every psychological trick helps!

Title	Random thought about approach anxiety
Author	TDCRedPill
Upvotes	18
Comments	33
Date	July 2, 2013 7:30 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1hilxx/random_thought_about_approach_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/random-thought-about-approach-anxiety.5238 https://theredarchive.com/post/5238

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