For over a year I've been aware of how women operate. The reality of their nature is so clear, so easy to see, there is no possible way at this point that I could just turn a blind eye to the fact that they are not like men. The manipulation, the sense of entitlement, the need for attention, the unwillingness to compromise, the demands... it's the nature of my female family members, of my female co-workers, my female acquaintances, and my my exes. The few women I've met who have transcended these character flaws have almost unanimously been older women, 60 years of age or more. And even then they're few and far in-between.

There's no debate. There's no question. I can't deny the truth about female nature anymore than I can deny the color of the sky. So what can I do but accept it?

The thing is, I don't want to accept it. I truthfully, honest to God don't. I wish we lived in a world when women have virtue, and love men as men love women. I'm depressed whenever I think about the fact that the odds of me having a fulfilling relationship with a woman are close to nil. I feel like a child throwing a tantrum because he didn't get his way, and I'm miserable about the whole thing.

At first, for a long time, I did all I could do. I accepted that this is the way things are. At first I thought taking the red pill was beneficial to me. Now I can focus on me, and my goals, and my dreams and desires. In my previous relationship, I was constantly doing things for/thinking about/worrying about my SO. Once I left her, I felt lost for a number of weeks. I had all this time now and forgot how I used to spend it. But I quickly rediscovered what I'm truly passionate about. I thought to myself, now I am free. Free from the drama and the bullshit. Free to be alone in silence, with nothing but my thoughts. I'm naturally introverted, so I perceived this as a blessing. And it was. For as long as I perceived solitude as a blessing, I was happy.

I'm not happy anymore. Although I can't deny the female nature, I can neither deny my own nature; and that is to crave intimate love, and affection, and companionship with a woman. It's an unquenchable thirst, and it's killing me inside. How does one overcome this? I'm a young guy, perhaps the older MGTOW have found the solution. I haven't. I feel alone. So alone. I used to advice friends that they should forgo relationships, and overcome their fear of being alone. Ironically, it seems I haven't overcome it myself.

I wish I was still a blue pill Joe who believed he lived in a fantasy world. But you can't un-see the matrix.