Ok after my divorce I went crazy working out and embrace the reality that always was i.e. redpill. Also I went beserk with women. I have several hobbies but gaming women has been a really fun past time. At first i was awe struck that it worked. I mean acting in exactly the opposite landed women in my bed left and right. Some nights i literally cried tears of joy. Getting rejected which plagued me my whole life was no longer an issue. Even if I got rejected I was getting accepted more and more.

But lately I have been sarging girls and I feel like a freaking circus performer. Like a monkey that walks up and starts juggling apples. If they laugh and are amused my performance is paying off. My reward is there naked body back at my place. But its just wearing on me. I mean is that it? And eventually after I degrade these girls in the worst possible ways the chinks in my armor show up. One day I have a bad day and try to actually let these women be someone i can show them (weakness) that I'm not actually superman bitch i just play him to get in between your legs. And we all know where that lands her pussy dries up and onto the next slut.

I'm not mad. I didn't ask for this reality it just is. I can't go back to living under the illusion either. So i am trapped in the middle. Is the redpill a Pandora's box? It sure feels like it at times.