Question: How do men solve their problems?

codemoney · 2015-05-12T13:06:22+00:00

SOLVE their problems.

That is the key. Ruminating over feelings all the time doesn't solve anything.

ky_windage · 2015-05-12T09:57:35+00:00

I've always known that when I get restless, something gets out of hand, or a situation blind-sides me, I need cave time away from everything. Just time to unplug and think. If I'm reading literature on a huge problem I'm having, I'll read if I want, but usually my best practice is a cold fire (ie smoky to keep bugs away) and a hammock. Another way others might not be into is going to a legit monastery and speaking with the monks if they are willing. The two main ingredients are space and quiet. If I had an SO I'd have to preface said cave time with some explanation that will keep her hamster from flying off the wheel in the meantime and head out.

A man can know himself without putting it into words, and I strongly advise every man to never put their state of being in a box so others can see it and confine him to it.

Dudegoinghisownway · 2015-05-12T11:52:19+00:00

"What our fathers didn't teach us?" now there is a book title, I suspect it would sell rather well. :)

Involution88 · 2015-05-12T11:06:38+00:00

Leave therapists alone. Go to the gym. Do things. Build your self worth. Solve your problems. Hang out at a men's club (not the strippers and hookers kind, the doing sex neutral things kind.).

thrownaway_MGTOW · 2015-05-12T18:29:44+00:00

Generally speaking... if an immediate action to address the specific problem doesn't "solve" it, then you switch over and WORK on/at something else, and focus on THAT.

First of all, because there is normally MORE than enough stuff that needs to be done, needs to be fixed/repaired or otherwise dealt with (and if nothing is "broken", then CLEAN something dammit*)

Pissing & moaning and bitching & whining -- or otherwise focusing overmuch about some particular thing or event... or worse obsessing about how one "feels" about it -- is entirely counterproductive, among other things OTHER problems will then arise because you aren't taking care of the rest of the stuff in your life (not to mention that "feelings" are reactions, they can provide some {minimal} useful information, but they invariably distort everything WAAAAY out of proportion).

Next, while you are working on other things, the "solving problems" mind often -- by the mere act of focusing on those other/different things -- will subconsciously view the other problem (the one you've set on the proverbial "back burner") from a different angle and will come up with some new approach or solution.

And finally... a LOT of things that people label as "problems" -- well, in many cases if you ignore them, they do indeed just "resolve themselves" or "go away"... and are thus no longer a problem anymore.

One of the BIG failings IMO of many men -- especially in this modern "feeling" bullshit era -- is thinking that EVERY such "feeling-fart" needs to be "solved". Most often such things are ephemeral "crap", and focusing on them, obsessing over them, just inflames them -- sort of like repeatedly picking at a scab, or constantly scratching at some rash.

Worst of course is the "I'm bored" or "I'm depressed" or "I'm not HAAAAAAPPPY" bullshit. Well gee big surprise, I mean you're sitting on your arse having a pity party, focusing on your negative feelings... and you think THAT is going to somehow make them seem LESS of an issue? Good gawd, get up off your ass, and get DOING something else -- take your mind OFF your inane "feelings" -- get up and achieve something, build some sense of accomplishment... and you'll find that your "feelings" will change accordingly.

* In my experience, it is actually somewhat amazing the "calming" effect that actual physical work (the use of muscles**) can have on your well being -- in fact the majority of the so called "positive effects of exercise and 'working out' " well, they are just as readily achieved via other "work" things, even mundane stuff like raking, sweeping, washing & waxing, etc. -- I'm convinced that one reason the more "affluent" generations** are so fraught with psychological problems (not to mention insomnia, etc) is simple inactivity: we no longer HAVE to walk into town, or to work and lift heavy things {split & haul wood, or fetch heavy buckets of water, or shovel manure, stoke a stove with coal, etc} nor really perform ANY physical work as part of our daily life, stuff that nearly all prior generations did by default virtually every day of their life (from relatively young childhood on).

** Anyone who has ever REALLY worked -- hard physical labor, to the point that at the end of the day you are "exhausted" -- will know the truth of the old adage that "The sleep of a labouring man is sweet, whether he eat little or much: but the abundance of the rich will not suffer him to sleep."

ShitfacedBatman · 2015-05-12T22:29:59+00:00

all personal troubles can be cured by talking them through. But this is an unproven hypothesis, and boys tend to be highly resistant to this approach.

Yep. I used to see a therapist. An elder female therapist. And she got annoying so I fired her, thank GOD.

I suggest learning by doing. Talk therapy can unravel some bad thinking in your brain, and it can set your philosophy from pessimistic to optimistic, but that's about it. It's up to you to reinforce your own mind and your own thinking the way you want it reinforced. If you're getting over a phobia or something, address exposure therapy in the mornings or time of day and time of week where you're fresh, most energized, and most optimistic.

The therapist I had started making shitty attempts at "empathy." I'm a pretty empathetic person as it is, so if you fake empathy I can see right through you. Not a lot of crime in it if you're a tech support operator or something, but as a therapist you don't want to be that transparent. Worse than manufacturing or faking empathy is faking sympathy. ICK. Faux sympathy makes a man want to punch people, it just does.

Talk therapy can only get traction with a man if he's got proof that the therapist has been listening to what he's said and "gets it." A lot of therapists will have an agenda, think your problem is bullshit, and can't wait for you to finish yapping so that you can start listening to them and their ideas. Therefore what can inadvertently be embedded into talk therapy is compromise. You have a conclusion that you want, your therapist has a conclusion that they want - but you're PAYING them, so it should be all about your conclusion, not theirs.

One thing I think therapists have right about men is men don't face their feelings much, might have a low "E.Q.," or might have alexithymia or something. (If you want to get Freudian about it, it could have something to do with circumcision when you were a baby.) Personally, I don't think it's that hard to get in touch with my emotions - all I have to do is watch a dramatic movie and I'm there. I suspect most men are more sensitive to emotions than they're given credit for. The thing about it is there's really no good place to get in touch with your emotions except when you're alone. Women can be cunty about it and men can be pricks about it, so 99.99% of the time you're on your own.

Falazure1 · 2015-05-12T17:05:57+00:00

If it is something I have the ability to rectify myself I do it..most of the time it is this kind of problem anyway, and problems are there to be resolved...

I don't give much thought to emotion, hell most of the time i couldn't express that with words anyway so why bother...I tend to ignore that side of things completely...usually a long walk to sort myself out is sufficient.

pirate6728 · 2015-05-12T22:40:19+00:00

Ever read "Sherlock Holmes"? When a problem got the best of him, he would break from it for a bit and conduct a chemical experiment or two. The break from the original problem into something else would allow him to come back to the problem with a fresh mind, and a fresh approach to the problem could help generate the answer. In our modern life, there's something to be said for hobbies that way. You have a problem, take time away from it to enjoy your hobby--- then come back to the problem with a rested mind.

Ky-windage mentions retreating to a cave. I can sorta do that by way of my job as it happens--- I drive alone, and a 1500 mile round trip gives you plenty of time to think through the problem rationally. He has a point, I think. Hey-- it works for me so far.

Asari_Lover · 2015-05-13T14:29:56+00:00

typically - and this is coming from a young lad here - if my problems are related to work I simply ask my boss what our resources and time tables are, research into how it was done previously, write out or resolve it with a solution and explain my reasoning.

In my friendships and family, I'm rather embarrassed to admit that our problems simply do not get addressed; they become like an elephant in the room no one speaks of and someday simply try to forget it or it blows up and gets dealt with then.

In my romantic life with my long-time but LAT girlfriend we've only had three problems our entire relationship and not a one of them became physical, confrontational, or threatening by both parties. It always boiled down to mutual respect, accountability, and a focus on facts and evidence - hell I've never heard this woman swear, even during two events when I really f#cked up but that's off topic.

Personally I solve my problems by:

TL:DR: At work, study up and do it. With my family, ignore it (we're dysfunctional). With friends, clear the air. With my gf, respect each other, talk it out, and consider what went wrong and hot to fix it going forward.

mydark · 2015-05-15T02:31:11+00:00

A couple of things. First problems are natural to humans. You eliminate one problem and new ones will occur. Life would have no meaning without some form of struggle and you couldn't grow as a person without them. As far as talking about their problems, I do believe men would benefit from learning to express themselves better. A lot of personal issues men have had are within their control and learning to convey their views better could avoid issues from coming up. For example, years ago women claimed (that when married) women did more housework than their husbands. Men didn't speak up and let their wives know that they were working more hours than their wives were (when married). This led women to believe they had a worse deal in the marriage even though both sides had issues. That doesn't mean I believe men should focus on their emotions too strongly. One of our strengths is not being as emotional as women, however men would benefit from learning to be more assertive (sticking up for themselves while not being aggressive).

Now as far as problems goes a lot of it comes down to what you're trying to solve. Legal issues are far tricker (since they're out of your control). Personal issues you have a lot of power over. If you're looking at general purpose life advice there's always books like The Way of Men by Jack Donovan. The thing is without knowing where you're coming from it's hard to give you direct advice.

PM_ME_UR_PLANTS · 2015-05-15T02:53:06+00:00

Figure it out or move on.

drkstrs · 2015-05-12T15:49:05+00:00

Sometimes the way to solve a problem is to stop thinking about it. At least half my problems aren't even real, but are the result of me obsessing about something. Another strategy is to find out what exactly you fear the most about the problem, and then mentally accept the worst case scenario and then visualize yourself moving past that.

Title	Question: How do men solve their problems?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	17
Date	May 12, 2015 8:31 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/35ovax/question_how_do_men_solve_their_problems/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/question-how-do-men-solve-their-problems.627789 https://theredarchive.com/post/627789

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